Thursday, January 03, 2008

A New Chapter is Beginning

My goodness I am certainly chatty lately. I know, in person, I talk a lot, but in the land of blogs, I can be quiter than the normal me. I don't think I have that many interesting things to say. Now, my head is just all over the place.

There are so many things happening. I'm excited about most of it, but a bit apprehensive about some parts of these changes too. Todd and I are going to look at a house together tomorrow. Not a house for him or for me, but for us! This is something I knew would be happening, but now that it is I'm "OMG" about it all. I'm soooo excited, but as I said, there is going to be a lot changes. The house is in the country and I'm right now living in the suburbs and have been for numerous years. I'm looking forward to a change of scenery and pace. I'm tired of having people right on top of me, even as much as I love my neighbours.

I have wanted a simpler life for a while and a country home represents that for me. I know what is really holding me back is Lily. This will be a major change for her and something she is already fighting. Not the living with Todd part, but the country living part. I think if she could/would give it a chance, she might find she likes the country. There have already been comments made that are basically emotional blackmail, something I will no longer allow to hold me hostage. I lived too many years that way and refuse to do it again. I've heard the comments that she'll leave and go live with her sister. Thankfully, she's not of an age that she can legally leave, unlike her sister - another story for another day and crazy nuts, if you ask me. No one does ask me though. I want so much to embrace these changes and be happy with them, the ensuing fight will, in a small way, take away some of the shine.

I'm entitled to happiness and I want that happiness. I think I deserve on some small scale!

Now that Todd and I are seriously looking at houses, not that either of us are in any sort of hurry, I have to get things done around my house. I called the contractor that worked on my front door last spring, to get estimates on hanging closet doors and building headers. After talking with Todd this morning, I'm also going have Scott (contractor), look at my bathroom and give me an estimate on doing that as well. Insert major fit throwing scream right here, right now! Oh well, crap happens!!!!! I already own the closet doors and all the necessary parts for the bathroom renovations. All I will have to pay at this point is for Scott to do the work. At a time when I'm trying to streamline finances, this rather sucks, but that's life. It will be money well spent in the long run.

I don't know. How about we just keep a positive outlook that Lily realizes this isn't to hurt her, but just one of live's changes that you face and learn from. Keep an open mind and you never know what me come your way. She doesn't see it that way though, no matter how hard I try.

With all this worry about Lily, I'm still smiling. That's something good right? It's not selfish to want this, is it?

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