Saturday, January 05, 2008

A Mini Cold Front Has Moved In

I've been delaying this post for the entire day. Now, that I'm dogged tired, is probably not the best time to start either. On second thought, it might just be THE best time since I'll be less guarded in how I impart my feelings and thoughts.

Todd and I went to look at THE house yesterday. OMG I can't even begin to describe to you how beautiful it is. There is a minor/major catch right now though. The listing for the house ran out on Wednesday, so the house isn't officially on the market at the moment. It has been on for a bit now and had a few serious offers, but deals fell through. The deals didn't fall through because of problems with the house, but for what I believe is stupid reasons on the part of the buyer. The one person/couple couldn't secure financing (unfortunate for them) and the other person wanted a new furnace installed in the garage. Seriously?

The house has a porch around 3/4 of the house. It is awesome. What I could see of it under the snow, anyway. When we walked up the front stairs, right off we saw 2 perfectly formed bird's nests. They were soooo pretty. Can bird's nests be pretty? The property is 2.5 Acres and it is surrounded by views of water and trees on every side. There are neighbours, but you don't see them from any of the windows really, and if you do it's not something you notice right away.

The kitchen is beautifully laid out with a gorgeous island center and cupboards galore with crown moulding, which adds a real finished look. The counter top is in really good shape. There would be room for my 'country kitchen table'. Oh, if you could have seen how excited I got at the thought of that. There are newly installed french doors leading out from the kitchen to the porch. Oh my word!

The master bedroom/en suite is huge with stunning views. If I'm saying stunning views in winter, you can only imagine what I'll be like in the fall, because let me make one thing crystal clear - I Hate Winter! The 2 other bedrooms are a good size and very workable.

The stairs to the basement are super wide with french doors to the side of the stairs leading to the laundry/storage room. The basement is drywalled, but the ceiling work has yet to be done. There is enough room down there to install another bathroom and bedroom if you choose. A pool table would also fit along with the bedroom. The possibilities with the basement alone are endless.

There is a detached garage with a loft - baseball party central if I've ever seen one. It is large enough to be a double car garage, but right now is a single with a doorway.

As happy as I am that both Todd and I love the house there is a sense of sadness in me because of Lily. It's not that I blame her, I really don't it's just that I would like one time in this 'new' life of mine that I not get resistance about every single thing I do. It is exhausting. I will remember I am the mother and I will make the decisions that impact this family.

I love both of my children, as much as they are both in different places right now, I want nothing more than for them to be happy in life and grow to be positive contributors to society, be healthy and find peace in life. Lily and I have become a lot closer since Alyssa isn't home now and I guess what I really want is for the one person I'm closest to and love so very much, to be happy for me and not so caught up in how everything is going to affect her. Is that selfish of me? I'm not sure. I don't think it is. I've always had a difficult time standing up for myself and putting myself ahead of others, but I really want this. I think, even considering all the changes in store Todd and I could make a good life together!

I made reference to a 'mini cold front moving in' and that would be in direct reference to Lily's attitude. She is quiet. I understand the quiet, I get like that when I'm heavy in thought or extremely tired myself. I don't know what to think and does it really matter what I think? I'm just going about my day to day business and doing things as I always do and hopefully that in itself will give her some sense of security.

I don't know! I'm just torn because I'm so happy, but have the cloud of doom from Lily hanging over my head. Imagine when things really start to move. Todd and I know we both want country living and this house is the area we want and the price is right as well. Things right now are in the earliest of stages and the child is not dealing well. How are things going to go when I have the sign put on the front lawn? What will she do when/if my house sells and things really start moving, literally and figuratively? Oh, if nothing else, life will prove to be interesting in the coming months.

Thanks for sticking with me until the end of this post. As much as it's all over the place, I know in my heart of hearts what I want and what I think will make me very happy. So, with that final thought, I conclude this entry.

Love ya's

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