Friday, August 28, 2009

Fall Decorations

I've been stung by the fall decorating bug. It's getting cool at night and it brings out the domestic side and the decorating desires. I know there are some that think it's too early and they're probably right. I fought the urge to the best of my ability. I'm weak. What can I say?

The pictures aren't the best quality since they are from my cel phone. I'm having computer/camera issues at the moment so for now this is the best I can do.

The kitchen island. I love it.

This would be the stairway to the basement

The kitchen table

This is my favorite time of year. I have such fun decorating and trying to find that one piece that just works with what I'm trying to do. Not sure if my efforts are always appreciated, but I try.

Sunflower Virgin No More

My favorite flower is the sunflower, yet I've never owned one of my own - until yesterday. I went to visit Velda whom I haven't seen in a very long time. It was during my visit and our conversation about the things I like and how simple a girl I am to please, that she gave me a sunflower from her bouquet of flowers from her husband. I'm so touched. I love it. I cried a little bit... wet teary eyes.

I have this beauty now sitting on my counter. It looks right at home and brings a smile to my face every time I walk past it.

Velda, you know me so well... too well sometimes. I love you! Thank you so much for something that just comes so easily from you - your thoughtfulness! You took an otherwise tough day (and week) and made it a little more bearable.

Is it silly of me to be crying as I type this. I really need to get a life!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Wonders of Watermelon

In my blog reading, I find some very interesting things. This is a most recent awesome find. Thank you Jenni. Copied with permission. Go on over and show her some love, too.

The Watermelon Credo is meant to be a starting point in generating a positive attitude.

W – Whatever you believe creates your reality.
A – Attitude is the magic word.
T – Together everyone achieves more.
E – Enthusiasm is the wellspring of life.
R – Respect yourself, as well as other.
M – Make commitments, not excuses.
E – Everyday can be a fun day.
L – Love is the answer.
O – One day at a time.
N – Never give up or become a victim.

As you can see in my recent postings, my life has been a bit off kilter. I discovered this Watermelon piece the other day and it's been flitting around in the back of my mind since.

I'm really working in my head to get things figured out and I'm going to carry this close to my heart as an added tool too.

Cute Boy and I are working more towards a common goal of happiness than I've felt in a very long time. It does my heart good and leaves the lingers of a tiny smile on my face at all times.

Princess is really struggling and that is the problem in the equation right now. I'm hopefully although not optimistic that will change any time soon.

On that note I'm serving up a delicious dessert of Watermelon for dessert tonight.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

3 Years Ago Today and Other Stuff

3 years ago today, I signed my separation agreement! I'm no closer to a divorce today than I was then. 3 years removed and the only thing that has changed is the level of resentment, disgust, and animosity toward him. Not a great way to raise daughter's when you can't stand the ground the other walks.

I don't see a divorce anywhere in the near future and that is just heartbreaking. It could happen, although highly unlikely. The man child does not follow the rules and is unaccountable for his actions and responsibilities. I could attain the divorce if I were willing to sign off on a certain situation, which I'm unwilling to do. As much I want this divorce and my association with him severed, I refuse to give in to his unwieldy ways of life and lack of responsibility in regards to what is right by our children.

I'm really struggling as of late with various areas and happenings in my life. It is not a good place to be and one that I am so hoping to step away from sooner rather than later.

I find the struggles are affecting so many areas of my life and my blog too. I want to turn this around, so this is my attempt at doing so.

Life is what it is and I'm the making of my own demise or success. From here on out I'm accountable for me, living the best life in the only way I know how - with my heart!


Friday, August 14, 2009

My New Favorite Song

Joey - by Sugarland

What if I said yes?
What if I'd gone out that night?
What if you turned left, and everything would of turned out alright.
What if I spoke up?
What if I took the keys?
What if I would of tried a little harder, instead of always trying to please.


Joey, I'm so sorry.
Oh can you hear me?
Joey, I'm so sorry.

What if I said no?
What if we never fell in love?
What if we'd gone slow, or a little faster and broken up.
Would I know this hurt?
Would I feel this pain?
Do you know with all I have left in my very last breath will call your name?


Joey, I'm so sorry.
Oh can you hear me?
Joey, I'm so sorry.

Were you sad, were you scared, did you whisper a prayer to be free?
Was it quiet and cold was it light or too dark to see?
And did you reach for me?

Joey, I'm so sorry.
Oh can you hear me?
Joey, I'm so sorry.
Oh can you hear me?
Joey, I'm sooooooooo- Joey, I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry.

This is my new favorite song. I just love it. It has a sound from a song familiar to me, deep in my head, but I can not for the life of place it. I'll have Cute Boy listen as much as he's not a huge country fan he make recognize the similarities to another song that I'm trying to find.

Sugarland was in a small American town about 45 minutes from home last summer and I'm still kicking myself for not going to see them. I was in a 'no spend mode' and I regret it to this day. Darn it. Now when they tour the tickets will be more expensive because they've really grown in popularity since last summer. D'uh!


There are times when, as an adult, I think my life is heading in one direction and it charters another course. This pattern of uncertainty and questions is ever present again.

Never in a million years would I have ever thought my life would be where it is this very minute. There are situations around me that are of my making and those that are directly the result of others and their actions. I can be accountable for my own, which I am, but can only sit back and wait and watch for the actions of others to play out how they will. No matter the amount of hoping, wishing or want is going to do a thing to change their course.

Tomorrow is another day and what will happen may already be in motion because of actions taken today. I will face it the only way I know how, with an open mind and a ready heart.

A rock and hard place of my own making.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Sunday, August 09, 2009

A Peek Inside My Kitchen

Operation Fat Buster's weekly challenge is to post pics on our individual blogs of the food in our kitchen.

The following are the areas of food in my home. I did the best I could to capture the honesty of the food consumed and purchased. I will say, most of the healthy food you see is mine. Cute Boy's, not so much. He does fruit, but not much in the way of veggies. We are working towards finding a food balance. It is a challenge to be sure.

The Fridge

Upper Cupboard

Storage Shelf in basement

Lower Cupboard

Some of the 'crap' seen is not mine, but when opened will be consumed by me... sad. There are better choices to be made and I'm not making them. Only my issues are standing in the way of my success.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Good-bye Grandpa and Thank You, Too

Of sadness comes love, happiness, tears, joy, support and an overall sense of peace.

The last couple days have been some of the more difficult I've lived in recent memory. The passing of Grandpa Gilpin has been long expected, but in no way does that ever prepare your heart for the sadness to be experienced.

Yesterday, Princess asked if it would be wrong to take a picture in our funeral outfits. Absolutely not! Grandpa Gilpin, the man that he was, would have been so proud to see the beautiful young woman that stands before you, in this picture. Okay, minus the crap on her face. That was one of the things always said as soon as a girl wearing make-up walked in the front door, "What's that crap on your face?". It was a standard reaction, so much so that it was even said through his eulogy.

I truly am blessed with the love of some amazing people and specifically, my in-laws. Married to their son or not, they treat me in a way that shows me the good in life. It started with Grandpa Gilpin I guess. He raised an amazing family, one I am blessed to be a part of even after the demise of my own marriage.

Grandpa was an avid bird man. Actually, truth be told, if it involved the outdoors, animals, his family and friends, Grandpa was the man. I know I'll not do justice to the what I'm trying to say, but the graveside service showed the releasing of a single white homing pigeon. It landed on the tombstone. It didn't want to fly at first and then took off in flight. Moments later a group of homing pigeons were released, they soared high and so graceful, off on their journey together. It was the perfect send off for an incredible man.

You see, it's like this. Without Grandpa, (and his wife, my daughter's namesake) there would be no Mother-In-Law, nor her son, nor my daughter's with her son. It is a wonderful gift given by a wonderful man. It is with honour and a joy I try to remember a beautiful human being that the world has lost in the physical sense, but will live on in our hearts and our memories forever. In a very large way, I thank you for who you were and how you touched my life. I didn't see you a lot, especially after the end of my marriage, but I truly believe you understood how I felt in that.

Rest In Peace, Grandpa.