Friday, April 04, 2008

Feeling Funky

I'm just a bundle of emotions lately and I'm trying desperately to pull myself out of it. I feel powerless on so many levels it's not even funny.

I've had some small amount of success on the WW front. I weighed in this morning ( I no longer pay for the program) and found myself with a loss of 2.6lbs. I'm over the moon about that. I've been attempting to eat better and hit the gym, although in my book 1 visit to the gym doesn't really count. Something worked out though! I'll take it. I'm finally below 130 again, and this is my lowest weight of the year at 129.6. Anywhere below 125 is good for me, although the results of this 125 won't be as spectacular as my previous 125, since I've little to no muscle tone! A girl can't have it all!

If I could just be content with the WW front of my life and not have to deal with everything else, I'd be good to go. I'm freaking out financially to the point that I'm a nervous wreck about most everything, all day long. I've made a mess as of late and I've no one to blame but myself. There has been a drastic incline with incoming money since child support is no longer being paid. I've had to cash out important nest egg investments to deal with debt created by another person that I'm unlikely to see a return from. I've had to rethink my entire financial outlook and I'm scared shitless. Lesson learned on that one!

The timing of all my financial worries couldn't come at a worse time with Cute Boy and I looking at building a house as soon as his sells. I don't have the kind of equity in my home that he does, so my scrambling to contribute dollar for dollar is going to be a major challenge. All this equates to a very stressed out me. Cute Boy and I also just received the quote for building from the contractor. Holy Hannah! It was considerably higher than we expected even with the extras we want included in the house. It is scary business.

This doesn't add to my stresses at all, I'm telling you just to be chatty. Princess (possibly Queenie and her boyfriend) are going to visit the father this weekend. It came about very suddenly. Lily is somewhat excited, somewhat annoyed for many reasons. This poor kid! She has to work this evening until 8, but will probably be off sooner, so her father is picking her up after work and taking her to his house about an hour or so out of town. He tells her she'll not get to see his girlfriend at all since the girlfriend works on Saturday, so he wants her to stay until Monday. He and I do not speak since he still believes he can talk down to me and bully me with his words, so very sadly for Princess this message came to me from her. I'm not overly impressed with the Monday return date, but see no other option since Princess sees so little of her father. He told Princess if she couldn't stay until Monday there was no point coming to get her on Friday since she works until 8pm (keep in mind he doesn't work), and that the turn around time would be too much to bring her home again from late Friday night to Sunday afternoon! Oh, the litany of curse words that could fly from my mouth right now, the list is long and not pretty.

One of the major reasons Princess is upset is because he originally said no to her request, and not just the 'no', but the reason for it. He hasn't seen either of the girls since the first weekend in January, and didn't see them at all over the Christmas holiday, before January it was August of 2007. So, his reasons for saying no was the drive time from Friday night to Sunday afternoon and that bringing her home she wouldn't see the girlfriend, as I stated earlier. Princess really likes the girlfriend, but she isn't going to see her, she was wanting to see her father. He is so wrapped up in the girlfriend and doesn't make his daughters feel special, so she was thinking it would enable her to spend some time with just him. Apparently, and sadly, that means more to Princess than him. I know that, as does Princess, but to hear her say it is more than my heart wants to contend with.

I think that is all I have going on. I'm going to putter around the house a bit this morning then head to the gym before work at 3pm. Sounds like an exciting day, eh? Oh well, it will give me some activity points and something to do, since nothing much is going on around here.

Post a Comment