Where Has The Time Gone?

It does not seem like an entire month since I've last blogged, but apparently it has been near to that, if not even longer.

I've been busy, although I'm not sure I've been THAT busy.

My commitment to more positive thinking has been going well. My body will do what it will do and what I push it to do. There is really nothing to be gained in my mentally abusing myself. I wouldn't talk to a friend the way I sometimes internally talk to myself. I'm impressed with how much I've changed my self-directed dialogue.

Time has been spent in love with the most adorable little grandson to ever grace the earth. It goes without saying, that I am so in love with him it is nuts.



This is a very old picture of him.... how is 2 months an old picture? I like it because it is so crisp and his wee eyes are open.

Weight Watchers is going well. I'm down a total of 4.5lbs. Would love for that number to be much higher, but this time around I feel like I'm doing this the right way. Good eats. Good gym time and a mental balance that is working really well for me.

No news on the engagement front. And I mean, no news! There is still no ring. No date and not even a lot of talking about it. I'm trying to keep positive about this. although I'd be telling in big old lie if I said it wasn't bothering me. I'm working with myself on a daily basis not to over think things, although that is what I do and what I am doing.

I will be back in the next couple days with more chatter. Probably nothing much important, but chatter.

Late for Lent

I never did post what I was giving up for Lent. I didn't know what would best suit me this year, almost to the point I thought I wouldn't be participating this year. I finally figured it out.

I am going to give up negative self-talk. I am really bad about listening to the internal voice that chatters to me. The chattering isn't usually a positive comment, but something that is a pick at a physical trait or a personal limitation. The way clothes fit or don't fit. That sorta things getting exhausting!

It dawned on me this week at my WW meeting. I weighed in with a loss of .5lbs. I wanted more than a half pound loss. I would have normally come here and said, "I only lost a half pound". I lost half pound. That is a half pound that brings me closer to my ultimate goal. That is a half pound that puts me that much closer to fitting in to clothing that didn't fit last month. I am a half pound closer to all those things. I am happy with that.

Negative chatter no more. It may take me a bit and I'll keep working on it.

Week One Weigh In

My first week back on Weight Watchers following the Points Plus Program, was a pretty good week. I lost 1lb. I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking to lose more on my first official week back. I will be happy with this loss though. A loss, no matter how small is always better than a gain.

There has been a lot going on in my personal life. Really, when isn't there? I find that I'm mentally and emotionally distracted with a lot of what is going on, so that I didn't eat my way through it - can you say CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE and more CHOCOLATE???

I started training for my second Ottawa Half Marathon. I've logged 8 miles and am already 3 runs behind. I'm not stressing over it though. Things will figure themselves out eventually.

Velda, my dear friend, started her chemo treatments this week. I've been pretty quiet on here about all things Velda. I'm pretty quiet lately about all things Velda in all aspects of my life. I just don't really want to deal right now, so in true fashion, I just don't talk about it.

I think that is all I have to share for today.

New Beginning

So, no longer living in denial of the weight I have gained, I joined Weight Watcher's yesterday morning.

I didn't expect the scale to show a pretty number and as much I like being right I was hoping I would be wrong in this particular instance. No sirree. The scale read 10lbs more than when I last officially joined WW about 4.5 years ago.

I have read mixed reviews about the new program, but my first few days I really like it. It would be much easier if I actually had the calculator, but unfortunately I will have to wait until somewhere near to the end of March.

It has been a long time since I've truly felt accountable. It feels good to have some sort of structure and accountability to myself, my meeting leader and the scale. I look forward to the next couple weeks to see how and if my body will adapt to this new lifestyle. Things promise to be interesting if nothing else.

Today

Day 1 was a success. Stayed within my points. Could have done better on the fruit and veggie intake.

I will take today as a victory and a good place to start over.

Re-commitment to Me

This past week I was half assed doing Weight Watchers again. I started out gangbusters to only fall off part way through the week.

That being said - I lost 1.8lbs this week! WOOHOO for me! I would be more excited than "WOOHOO for me, if last week's WI didn't see me at the highest I've been in the last 8-10 years!

This is the day I re-commit to me and setting time aside for me, my health and my mental state. The mental state and my body size, shape and weight go hand in hand. I know it's not a good thing, but that is who I am. It is how I'm hardwired. I'm working towards changing my thoughts of myself based on my clothing size, muffin top - all of it. I'm trying.

I hit the treadmill yesterday for 2.2K. I"m on way there again! I'm excited AGAIN to get on the treadmill and feel good about what I did for ME today!

Have a great one!

-4.8

That is NOT the temperature outside. That is MY weight loss for this past week! I'm sooooo blown away I can't even tell you.

My body doesn't feel any different, but I'm telling you my mindset certainly does. I've been on plan this entire week. I ate all my veggies, measured everything AND got in all my waters and then some. I actually earned myself some activity points too. Only 5, but that is better than none, right?! I walked the dog 5x this week. She is happy that I'm starting to move more because she moving more too. It's a win win situation.

I don't know what I'm going to next and maybe I don't need to worry about WHAT I'm going to do as long as I'm doing something. Even something as simple as walking the dog.

I'm now 3.4lbs outside of the 120's. To be even 129 something I'll be happy. It's been a long time since I've felt like what I'm doing is making a difference. This is new for me and so exciting.

That's all! Happy days to you.

Weight Watcher's Countdown

I've decided I'm going to join Weight Watchers again. I'm not joining right away which is the reason for the countdown.

I'm going to join the weekend after the Canadian Thanksgiving. I'll be joining October 18th - Saturday. I'm off weekends now, so I'm going to commit to Saturday morning meetings.

The reason I'm not joining until after Thanksgiving is because of Thanksgiving dinner at Cute Boy's sister's house. This woman is one of the most generous hosts and incredible cooks to ever cross my path. I know my strengths and weaknesses. There is no way I could be on plan with her palate temptations in my sight and much worse, grasp.

I've been thinking a lot the last couple days and I think this is something I need and money I need to spend. I think my biggest concern is spending the money and not being diligent in following the plan. Couple that with no gym membership, I'm apprehensive. I know I can do this without the paid-for weigh in. I've done it before, but right now, my head isn't focused enough to do this without the assistance of the WW staff.

I'm in no way giving myself card blanche to eat whatever I want until October 18th. I am still going to be conscientious when eating. It is who I am, for the most part, I'm just really struggling right now.

D-day is a long way off still, longer than I even imagined. I was shocked at just how long off when I counted down, but I feel a sense of peace already. WW is my comfort zone. WW is my security blanket. WW is my friend. WW is my opportunity for change. I'm excited!

36 days and counting.

Feeling Funky

I'm just a bundle of emotions lately and I'm trying desperately to pull myself out of it. I feel powerless on so many levels it's not even funny.

I've had some small amount of success on the WW front. I weighed in this morning ( I no longer pay for the program) and found myself with a loss of 2.6lbs. I'm over the moon about that. I've been attempting to eat better and hit the gym, although in my book 1 visit to the gym doesn't really count. Something worked out though! I'll take it. I'm finally below 130 again, and this is my lowest weight of the year at 129.6. Anywhere below 125 is good for me, although the results of this 125 won't be as spectacular as my previous 125, since I've little to no muscle tone! A girl can't have it all!

If I could just be content with the WW front of my life and not have to deal with everything else, I'd be good to go. I'm freaking out financially to the point that I'm a nervous wreck about most everything, all day long. I've made a mess as of late and I've no one to blame but myself. There has been a drastic incline with incoming money since child support is no longer being paid. I've had to cash out important nest egg investments to deal with debt created by another person that I'm unlikely to see a return from. I've had to rethink my entire financial outlook and I'm scared shitless. Lesson learned on that one!

The timing of all my financial worries couldn't come at a worse time with Cute Boy and I looking at building a house as soon as his sells. I don't have the kind of equity in my home that he does, so my scrambling to contribute dollar for dollar is going to be a major challenge. All this equates to a very stressed out me. Cute Boy and I also just received the quote for building from the contractor. Holy Hannah! It was considerably higher than we expected even with the extras we want included in the house. It is scary business.

This doesn't add to my stresses at all, I'm telling you just to be chatty. Princess (possibly Queenie and her boyfriend) are going to visit the father this weekend. It came about very suddenly. Lily is somewhat excited, somewhat annoyed for many reasons. This poor kid! She has to work this evening until 8, but will probably be off sooner, so her father is picking her up after work and taking her to his house about an hour or so out of town. He tells her she'll not get to see his girlfriend at all since the girlfriend works on Saturday, so he wants her to stay until Monday. He and I do not speak since he still believes he can talk down to me and bully me with his words, so very sadly for Princess this message came to me from her. I'm not overly impressed with the Monday return date, but see no other option since Princess sees so little of her father. He told Princess if she couldn't stay until Monday there was no point coming to get her on Friday since she works until 8pm (keep in mind he doesn't work), and that the turn around time would be too much to bring her home again from late Friday night to Sunday afternoon! Oh, the litany of curse words that could fly from my mouth right now, the list is long and not pretty.

One of the major reasons Princess is upset is because he originally said no to her request, and not just the 'no', but the reason for it. He hasn't seen either of the girls since the first weekend in January, and didn't see them at all over the Christmas holiday, before January it was August of 2007. So, his reasons for saying no was the drive time from Friday night to Sunday afternoon and that bringing her home she wouldn't see the girlfriend, as I stated earlier. Princess really likes the girlfriend, but she isn't going to see her, she was wanting to see her father. He is so wrapped up in the girlfriend and doesn't make his daughters feel special, so she was thinking it would enable her to spend some time with just him. Apparently, and sadly, that means more to Princess than him. I know that, as does Princess, but to hear her say it is more than my heart wants to contend with.

I think that is all I have going on. I'm going to putter around the house a bit this morning then head to the gym before work at 3pm. Sounds like an exciting day, eh? Oh well, it will give me some activity points and something to do, since nothing much is going on around here.