Wasted Time

I feel like I'm doing nothing but wasting time.

Wasting time with thoughts of wanting to work out.

Wasting time pretending to eat properly then blow it with stupid decisions.

Wasting time working to pay for a gym membership that I don't use.

Wasting time spending energy with negative self imagine and self worth thoughts.

My weight has hit another all time high. This is getting to the point of pathetic, if not already past the point of pathetic. Something has to give and I do hope it's not the button on my pants.

My plan for the month of July was to run/walk a distance of 30 miles. That is a distance of 1 mile per day. Not too hard, right? Wrong!!!! I went to the gym 3x for a total distance of 12.38 miles. That distance includes a 6 mile walk, so to say I came up short would be an understatement.

I give up!

Where Has The Time Gone?

It does not seem like an entire month since I've last blogged, but apparently it has been near to that, if not even longer.

I've been busy, although I'm not sure I've been THAT busy.

My commitment to more positive thinking has been going well. My body will do what it will do and what I push it to do. There is really nothing to be gained in my mentally abusing myself. I wouldn't talk to a friend the way I sometimes internally talk to myself. I'm impressed with how much I've changed my self-directed dialogue.

Time has been spent in love with the most adorable little grandson to ever grace the earth. It goes without saying, that I am so in love with him it is nuts.



This is a very old picture of him.... how is 2 months an old picture? I like it because it is so crisp and his wee eyes are open.

Weight Watchers is going well. I'm down a total of 4.5lbs. Would love for that number to be much higher, but this time around I feel like I'm doing this the right way. Good eats. Good gym time and a mental balance that is working really well for me.

No news on the engagement front. And I mean, no news! There is still no ring. No date and not even a lot of talking about it. I'm trying to keep positive about this. although I'd be telling in big old lie if I said it wasn't bothering me. I'm working with myself on a daily basis not to over think things, although that is what I do and what I am doing.

I will be back in the next couple days with more chatter. Probably nothing much important, but chatter.

Inspiration Dress

I bought this little gem when I was in hiding and healing mode at Cute Boy's sister's. I've had it for about a month now and just mustered up the gumption to share it with all of you.

Cute Boy and I have 2 weddings to attend in the month of October. I figured with the colour of this dress it would be perfect.

I feel a bit hippy in it and thicker in the middle than I normally like when wearing a dress that fits as tight as this one. I couldn't pass it up though. Chris (Cute Boy's sister) and I went shopping in Montreal at the Outlets and you know how it is when you find 'the one' piece of clothing that is a just have.

The Le Chateau outlet had some great deals. This dress was marked at $129 regular price and I paid $49.99 for it. I ended up walking away with $260 worth of clothes, and 1 kick ass purse, all for $101.00! Deals like that, for me, don't come along often, so I couldn't pass it up.

I will be pairing the dress with silver shoes. Love them, especially since my angel wing tattoo will be visible, along with a silver clutch purse.

Cute Boy and I don't find many opportunities to dress up and we are both looking forward to the occasion. It promises to be a good time, both weddings.

Off to the gym I go, so as to slim down my middle somewhat to feel a bit more confident in such a pretty little gem.

Lordy, My Legs!

Yesterday was supposed to be a chest work out day. It was also Cute Boy's oldest daughter's graduation day too. That took precedence. I could have probably been better with time management and fit my work out in too, but I was too busy enjoying the extra time with Cute Boy to bother with working out. My bad, I know! It's all about balance, right?

Graduation was awesome! I will do a post in the next couple days. Suffice it to say we are both very happy to know that half our collected children (2 of 4) have graduated high school. Both of our graduates took a rough route, but they both succeeded and are college bound in a few short months.

Sorry. Back to the topic at hand. My legs. My poor poor legs. Today's workout was short and sweet. I stated in an earlier entry that I'm not a fan of our home gym, but I have amend that statement a wee bit. I'm doing okay with 2 home work outs under my belt. Again, difficulty walking. This time from the lunges, squats and calf raises and not the treadmill workout from my Oxygen magazine.

Squats
1 set - no weight - 12 reps
2nd set - 15lb weight - 12 reps

Lunges
1 set - no weight - 10 reps each leg
2nd set - 10lb weight in my outstretched arms - 10 reps each leg

Low Rise Calf Raises
1 set - no weight - 10 reps
2nd set - 10lbs - 10 reps

Single Leg Step Calf Raises
1 set - no weight - 10 reps each leg
2nd set - 10lbs - 10 reps each leg

You may notice I only did 2 sets of each exercise and most normally you will see 3 sets. 3 is my comfort level and what I was taught and what I do. Today, not going to happen. I was in so much pain by the final rep of the single leg calf raises that I was just about crying from the maniacal laughter.

This work out, as much as it didn't involve a lot of weight, was brutal. I felt my quads in a way that I haven't felt them in a very long time. It felt about as great as I imagine someone sticking needles in my eyes would feel. Again, the stairs are killer and walking down the front steps to the truck this afternoon with Cute Boy was really fun too - NOT. Not when he's snickering at me because I'm walking like I'm a 2 year old just figuring out how to do the stairs alone. Nice! :)

I'm really starting to rethink this at home working out. It's really not all that bad. It just takes an open mind and the drive to follow it through. So far so good.

The-You-Have-To-Start-Somewhere-Workout

How many times have I come here saying that I'm going to do this and that? I don't blame you if you can't remember. It's my life and my statements and I can't remember either. So, you're forgiven.

I thought I would attempt to get downstairs this morning see what I could do in regards to throwing together a home work out with what equipment I have. Now, you may remember that I (we) have a Universal in the 'workout' room. Well, I tried it a couple times last summer and I can say with feeling and without hesitation, I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! It is the most awkward and non-user friendly piece of equipment I've ever the misfortune to work on. I would be soooo happy to see that thing listed For Sale on Kijiji. No such luck yet.

Off the basement I head with an upper body work out in mind. Have to stay away from the lower body because of my leg issues. This is what I came up with for this morning. Now keep in mind I'm extremely rusty.

2 - 15 second planks
10 incline push ups
15 crunches
10 - 10lb single bicep curls
10 - 10lb triceps extensions
10 - 15lb squats - leg felt okay
10 - 8.5lb overhead shoulder press

This is a good start for me right now. I'm not going to spout off how I could have, should have and will do. I did and that is good enough for me for now.

Lead Legs and Life

Life was pretty quiet around here today.

Cute Boy and I lounged in bed until 11am this morning. After nights of 5 hours sleep more often than not this past week and 5am wake up calls, this was a small slice of heaven.

I've been hitting the treadmill this week. Today's run was crap, but the rest of the week I felt incredible. I think my motivation may have found it's way home. WOOHOO for me. I also lifted some weights today. The first time in so long, I don't actually remember the previous session. The big work out news is that this week I've been on the treadmill 5 of 7 days for a total run distance of 15K. I'm really happy with that!

I ran today and didn't have much in the tank. Lead legs would be the best description. I'll take the 2K I did and be happy with the effort. It's not about moving mountains, but one small stone at a time. How did I get so 'okay' with just making an effort to better myself. I used to push to the point of exhaustion, which isn't a bad thing, but sometimes to the point of obsession. I'm so much more at peace with just doing what I can, when I can.

There is other news developing in my house that will really change how life is around here. I'm not 100% if it will or will not happen at this point, but keeping my mind open to :ll possibilities. I hope and pray for the best outcome and if that is to be, the change will be happening and happening in the very near future. When things are concrete one way or another I'll update. Until an update, please send positive thoughts. Life could get very interesting!

Happy healthy days to each of you.

Taking It Outside

The Venue
The Equipment


The Chest Work Out

Again


Suicides - 'nuff said


The Glutes

The Triceps

The Planks

The Victims

This would be the visual evidence of Krista and I totally tearing up the tennis courts at 5:30am yesterday morning, in our version of "Take It Outside" work out. It was a bit killer, but not overly so. I would love to be able to find a place to do stairs. Rocky stairs, ya know?!

Tennis wasn't so much tennis as you would see at Wimbledon, as much as it was Krista and I just hitting the ball back and forth. Laughter ensued which is no big stretch of the imagination. I'm sure the residents of the condos behind us were not too impressed with us partying it up like rock stars at 5:30am. Maybe they could have or should have joined us for a little activity to start their day. It was a great way to start the day.

Lovin' it! Thanks so much Amy! You are a rock star yourself!

Baby's Got Back

Hit the gym today and was not feeling. I didn't up the best numbers and in the past this would have so annoyed me. Today was different. I was there and I attempted to get it done.

Warm Up Cardio
2.4K
18 min

Weight Training

Back
Seated Row
60lbs x 8 reps
55lbs x 10 reps
45lbs x 10 reps
First set- sloppy way too much weight
2nd set - still brutal. I've lost a lot in back strength. Kept the motion clean. Took precaution not to rock. Slow controlled . Not a good feeling here today at all.

Wide Grip Pulldown
60lbs x 10 reps
55lbs x 12 reps
45lbs x 12 reps
Not a favorite exercise of mine which must mean something right?! Have to work it!

Shoulders
Chin Bar
17.5kg x 12 reps -- too lazy to convert
22.5kg x 12 reps
27.5kg x 10 reps
The last set, half way was brutal.

Shoulder Shrugs
17.5lbs x 15 reps
15lbs x 12 reps
10lbs x 12 reps
Hmph! Too little weight I think.

Shoulder Press
30lbs x 15 reps
35lbs x 12 reps
40lbs x 10 reps
Love it! Love it! Love it! This is one of my favorite exercises. I could have done more weight here, but even with a machine I wasn't comfortable without a spotter.

Post Work Out Cardio
1.3K
10 min.

I know I should have logged more time, but the day was getting away from me. I was really looking forward to spending time with Princess so that was a big factor in my head game too.

I think in future I'm going to split my back and shoulder work out up. I love working shoulders and detest back. I want to rock out the shoulders. I could have easily worked 5-6 shoulder exercises and was struggling with 2 back exercises. It's all about learning what works, right.

I'm so happy to be back. No pun intended. I don't know that my house is overly impressed, if a house were to have feelings. I've been negligent in the cleaning of it. I'll find the balance eventually.

Happy day to you.

Chest Is The Best

Hit the gym again this morning. Drove Princess to school and off I went.

I was finally able to connect with my friend Andrew about body part pairing. His approach is this:
Tri's and Bi's
Chest
Back
Legs and Abs

I'm going to follow this and work it hard as I can while on my own.

So, without further adieu here is my work out routine from this morning. I took notes in my log book about how I felt after each set. I will share them with you. This the first time I've ever logged my feelings along with the numbers.

Cardio Warm Up
18 mins
2.3K

Chest Routine

Chest Press
35lbs x 18 reps
45lbs x 15 reps
60lbs x 10 reps
Love the look of the muscle definition in my secondary musles when doing this exercise. 60lbs was a bit much at this point, but I did it. The burn killed.

Flatbench Dumbell Bench Press
15lbs x 12 reps
12.5lbs x 12 reps
10lbs x 10 reps
Killer set. The burn was almost instant. Shit! Final set was slow and focused.

Pec Fly
30lbs x 12 reps
35lbs x 10 reps
40lbs x 6 reps --> I wanted 8
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! There is still a lot of muscle definition there. Ya!!

Post Weight Train Cardio
26 mins
3K

Jillian Cardio - I was cleaning my machine and The Doctor's was on the television. They had Jillian Michaels on the program so I restarted the treadmill and walked an additional 10 minutes for .9KM.

Well Well Well

I hit the gym again this morning before coming to work. All things considered I didn't do too bad with forgetting vs. remembering things that I need to get in a work out and then get ready for work. The only thing I forgot is a towel. I had to use my body wrap type thingy to dry off. Krista, you know the thing I'm talking about. It's not the best towel ever, although better than nothing.

Cardio Warm Up
18 minutes
2.3KM
Thoughts - I took it to the height of 5.6 in speed. That would be the highest in my return. It was very cool

Weight Training
Triceps
Arm Extensions
25lbs x 15 reps
25lbs x 13 reps
30lbs x 8 reps

Rope Pulldowns
30lbs x 12 reps
35lbs x 10 reps
40lbs x 8 reps

Biceps
Single Arm Curls
10lbs x 10 reps
10lbs x 8 reps
10lbs x 5 reps

Straight Bar Curls
40lbs x 13 reps
35lbs x 12 reps
30lbs x 10 reps

Thoughts - I walked up to the weight room and had a bit of a panic moment. I was like a fish out of water. I, for a split second, contemplating going back to my locker and just going back down to the bank of cardio machines. I got annoyed with the flight pattern of not working out, so I said, "To hell with it and get it done". It wasn't the most effective work out and I prefer to do 3 different exercises, 3 sets each exercise. I just couldn't come up with anything else. It will eventually come together in my head and body. I know it will. I need to trust the process.

Post Weight Train Cardio
26 minutes
3.1KM
Thoughts - This one I just plugged along and didn't push too hard. I was about to shut down my work out early when I caught the bug from the girl on the treadmill beside me. She was a little work horse, so I used her as my push to work through until the end of my work out. I know I've been the inspiration to others in the past and now I used another in the same way. It was great.

Funny thing is, my arms were killing me from the weight training before my final run. I could really feel the muscle fatigue when I was pumping my arms while running. It was making me laugh a little bit. Truth be told though, it hurt like hell.

I'm now at work until about 10pm and I'm going to enjoy the break, the physical break anyway. The mental stress of this job is whole other story for another time!

Up And At 'Em Today

I'm trying make an effort to blog more, so here is some prattling about last night and this morning.

On my way home from work yesterday I stopped in at the post office to send a registered letter to the ex-husband (really still my husband... I get a kick out of saying 'still' because he is planning nuptials for this August and we are STILL married). Stupid! Anyway, I had to give him notification of our new address, so I thought I'd play head games and send him a registered letter. The life he is currently living, for him to get a registered letter will spook him. Life above board and you'd not be paranoid about such things.

Krista and her DBF came over for a quick visit last night to drop off a contest prize that Cute Boy won - A Budweiser bar fridge. Very very cool. It was nice to catch up with the pair of them.

I almost cried when the alarm went off this morning. I went to bed much to late and with a sore throat nonetheless. Woke up with a scratching still there, but being the trooper I am, I got my large ass down to the elliptical.

I didn't leave myself enough time, so I had to cut my work out down to 12 minutes. I will do another session this evening and attempt to get a weight in my hands.

I hit the showers and got ready. I had my clothing laid out so as not to wake Cute Boy when I was getting ready for work this morning, only to have to go back in the bedroom and stand in the walk in closet trying to find something to wear that fit properly. It does not do a girl's mental state any service when pants that fit last week or the week before don't fit now! Damn it! I'm so mad at myself. If that isn't incentive enough to get back on that elliptical tonight, I don't know what is.

I think that is one of my strongest emotions in regards to where I was in comparison to where I am now. I am angry with myself. I'm disappointed that I let go to waste all my hard work. I know it isn't good to compare your body to that of another, so I try not to do it. I don't really need to, I can compare my body now to my own body just a few short years ago. I'm annoyed to no end, but only I have the ability to change where I am. I will change it to, it is just going to take time. I want success over night, but isn't going to happen and the sooner I realize that, the better off I'll be.

I feel as though this entry has taken a negative turn and that's not my intent. I'm still feeling pretty good about myself, but the clothing issue this morning played games with my head.

Thanks for reading my unload. I love this blog for the ability to get the junk out of my head. Even when I only really had one or two commenter's, this was a place to be free to clear the air with myself. It is therapeutic to get the chatter out of my head and be done with it.

Happy Healthy Days to you!