Our Relationship Is Changing
The Way I See It #27
I think it is fitting that today I stopped at Starbucks and my cup message be one of my favorite messages. I made the decision while reading my cup and drinking my Non Fat Chai Tea Latte that I need to change my ways.
My ways with food and money need to change. I'm in the worst mental place ever in regards to my body and food. It has been years since I've felt this way. I wake up every day dreading the thought of getting dressed. Nothing fits and I'll be damned if I'll spend another penny on more clothing in whatever size! I'll just not do it.
I'm sick of myself, I'm sick of my stomach weight. My middle is like the inside of a pillow. It is all pushy and moldable (is that even a word?). I hate it. There was a time, in a different life, that I was starting to muscularly cut in with abs near the bottom of my rib cage. Now, there is nothing but a flab of flubber.
There are things I can be doing and things I should be doing and I'm not doing them! I no longer have the drive to push myself to be more than I am. I like who I am as a person as far as how I live in regards to treating other people, but I don't like that I no longer make myself a priority. I'm sick of being what I am physically, but I don't want to move or be prompted to move in a scheduled structured way. What the hell is wrong with me? As I've said, I used to be very driven and motivated. I loved working out. I loved the feel of the sweat and the burn of a muscle ache. Where did that go? What happened to change all that?
I need to do some internalizing and prioritizing to figure out what is up with me. Oh ya, what's up? ---- My weight is up and my clothing size is up. I can't even imagine what is going on in regards to my overall health! AUUGHHHHH
4 comments:
ummmm didn't this post start out as a lovely quote?
We'll talk tomorrow when you're over. And if you don't hear my words, perhaps you'll hear the slap upside your head instead! ;)
{{{Hugs}}}...don't be so hard on yourself.
I think you are being WAY too hard on yourself :o( You've had a lot of things going on in your life lately and who the heck would have time to add a workout schedule in there???? Sure, maybe you should start putting yourself first but start with smaller things like having a bath in the candlelight or curling up with a book and a warm cup of tea. Expand from there. It all takes time girl but I know you can do it if you really want it :o)
Okay...I'm standing in line right behind V on this one.
Yes, I agree that you are being too hard on yourself. However, I could probably say the same for myself.
If there is ANYTHING I can do to help just holler. You know how much of a buttkicker I can be when someone lets me!! :)
XOXO
K-Pow
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