Operation Fat Blaster

I'm always on the lookout for new things to try that will assist me with reaching my fitness goals. I've discovered something new! I'm really excited about it. Those of you who read my blog that participate in fitness challenges and want to get fit, check it out.

Operation Fat Blaster is an Internet community set up to offer support and assistance in achieving your weight loss and healthier lifestyle.

I discovered this community via Tigerlily. I'm always reading this blog, although I don't always post. I see a lot of me in her, so I'm always over there wondering how parallel our journey is on any given day. Thank you so much for posting this link.

What is the blog day? I'm feast or famine!

Just Get It Done, Already!

Well, its been that kind of day.

I went to the gym today for the first time since October and I don't even really count that day since I was so unhappy at that gym. I'm now back to 'my' gym. It feels like coming home.

I woke up this morning knowing I was hitting the gym after work and, truth be told, I couldn't wait for the work day to come to an end so I could get on the road to the new me.

The gym was busy, as I expected it to be and that was okay. I had a treadmill and that was all that mattered to me. It was comforting to be amongst fellow fitness minded people. There was this wee spit of a girl beside me, running her little legs to the pace of which I miss. She was incredibly inspiring and I could have kissed her if it wouldn't have freaked her out.

This gym day was a burn of 245 calories burned and the distance of 3.99KM. Not my best time distance, but I don't care. I needed to start somewhere and this was as good as any place to start. I've a long way to go yet, but this is another step towards a better healthier me.

I could easily live with the high I'm feeling right now! I love it and I feel incredible to know that tomorrow is going to be some of the same!

Our Relationship Is Changing

The Way I See It #27

Do not kiss your children so they will

kiss you back but so they will kiss their

children, and their children's children.

~Noah benShea

Poet/Philosopher

I think it is fitting that today I stopped at Starbucks and my cup message be one of my favorite messages. I made the decision while reading my cup and drinking my Non Fat Chai Tea Latte that I need to change my ways.

My ways with food and money need to change. I'm in the worst mental place ever in regards to my body and food. It has been years since I've felt this way. I wake up every day dreading the thought of getting dressed. Nothing fits and I'll be damned if I'll spend another penny on more clothing in whatever size! I'll just not do it.

I'm sick of myself, I'm sick of my stomach weight. My middle is like the inside of a pillow. It is all pushy and moldable (is that even a word?). I hate it. There was a time, in a different life, that I was starting to muscularly cut in with abs near the bottom of my rib cage. Now, there is nothing but a flab of flubber.

There are things I can be doing and things I should be doing and I'm not doing them! I no longer have the drive to push myself to be more than I am. I like who I am as a person as far as how I live in regards to treating other people, but I don't like that I no longer make myself a priority. I'm sick of being what I am physically, but I don't want to move or be prompted to move in a scheduled structured way. What the hell is wrong with me? As I've said, I used to be very driven and motivated. I loved working out. I loved the feel of the sweat and the burn of a muscle ache. Where did that go? What happened to change all that?

I need to do some internalizing and prioritizing to figure out what is up with me. Oh ya, what's up? ---- My weight is up and my clothing size is up. I can't even imagine what is going on in regards to my overall health! AUUGHHHHH

March Distance Challenge

March
26 - 4.2 KM

Distance to go: 485.2

I made it to the gym today for the first time in what seems like forever. I ran/walked, but mostly ran on the treadmill. I did a mini circuit of weights.

I mostly wanted to test my ailing shoulder with the mini circuit. It killed before, during and still now. I'm clueless as to what could be the problem. I know about 4 years ago, in another lifetime I hurt while working out, but wasn't able to get the rest needed to heal it. I'm not sure if it's a lingering injury from then or something else. I was pulling carpet nails about 2 weeks ago, that may have stirred up some trouble. I would think if that were the case the pain would be long gone by now. I have a very poorly designed work station and poor posture when working on account of the poor design and I wonder if that might be the issue. Popping Advil and a heating pad does little to relieve the pain. Oh well! It's a long way from my heart. I know there are some of you that will tell me to see my doctor, but since my last visit and his lackadaisical approach to my concerns I've lost faith in him. I'll live with this, whatever it may be and just deal with the pain when it gets me!

I have to tell you I do a lot of internalizing. No seriously, I do. I'm probably the most anal person I've ever encountered. I push myself to the highest strictest limits. I set the bar so high for myself it's a wonder I'm not certifiable. Maybe I am and no one has the heart to tell me. I want to be this, I want to be that. I'm happy with who I am as a person, but I want my body to look a certain way and when it doesn't I get so frustrated with my lack of commitment to the gym. There was a time when I worked and I worked out. That was pretty much the extent of my days. They were good days and they were hell days. I want the body I had at that time, but I'm loathe to commit to that mentality. Am I able to find one without the other? I'm sure of the answer, but somewhere someday I'm going to find the answer to that. I think when I do, I will find a sense of peace and contentment I've been seeking.

Most of these thoughts come from one simple run on the treadmill this morning. I was running and feeling incredible while doing so. Don't get me wrong my head was still racing with things that I felt I should be doing at home, but I pushed those thoughts away and focused on my breathing and the sweat I could feel on the back of my neck. I love sweating when I'm at the gym (only at the gym). For the briefest of moments I felt like I could do this, I could find the drive and desire. Scratch that I have the desire, I don't have the drive right now. I'm working on it though.

I walked away from the gym today feeling incredible! What a gift I just gave to myself. No one but me could have done that! I have to remember that as I struggle and strive to achieve this goal. I think I just changed some of my perspective from fitting in to those jeans to wanting to be healthier and toned again!

Thanks for hanging in here with me!