Runner's Adrenaline Trouble in the Making 101

A couple days have passed since the hellfire of my current situation. There has been no change. No official word on what this change of events will bring to my life. The fear and apprehension still reside deep down, but there is nothing for me to do right now, but wait. So, wait, I shall do.

In other less titillating news, my life is just plugging along.

I have a word of advice to all of you. Listen closely it's really super important. DO NOT sign up for a running event ie: half marathon within the first month directly following a completed half. You are being lead by your runner's high which is bound to come back and bite you in the kiester!

I signed up to run the County Half Marathon in October and I've run a hand full of times in 2 months. This is not the suggested plan of attack to run a faster 2nd half than that of the inaugural time. YIKES! I'm a bit freaking out.

I'm flat out of time! My time at the part time job is about to increase 10 fold. I'm currently coming off two double shifts. I was overzealous in my thoughts I'd have the time to fit in running and working. The highlight of the upcoming run is that I will have some awesome women on the course with me. It will be a good way to spend a morning, regardless of my finishing time. The competitor in me is singing a different internal tune, but that is really nothing new.

Stress and pressure are the way I live my life. I'm driven by such craziness, but this one is way more than I expected. Knowing myself how I do, I believe I do this so I stress over things so that I can avoid dealing with other things. Those other things scare me way more than a half marathon, I can tell you that much. When I signed up for this 2nd half marathon, Cute Boy and I were talking about my push to do a second which I knew I would eventually do, but not this soon, he was telling me about a conversation he had with a girl at work. This co-worker is a runner too (that 'too' implies I think of myself as a runner - I don't!), and she was telling him that you continue running until whatever it was that put you on the road in the first place has been dealt with. Running desire and drive has been explained. Now to find he time to deal with the requirements of running this new half better than the first! See, I'm a loon!

To further prove the point of my lunacy, reading back this entry I wonder at what I'm really trying to say. To heck with it.... I'm hitting 'publish post'.

Not Feeling Well

I've been fighting some sort of bug lately. I have no idea. The combination of issues are odd. I've been hot/cold, sweaty/clammy. Stomach ache when I eat. Stomach ache when I don't eat. Frequent headaches.

I stayed home from work today and I called in for tomorrow (Thursday) as well. I've been feeling this way for the last 10 days or so. I will think I'm starting to turn a corner and not feel too bad then the feelings all present themselves again. It's very odd and more than annoying. It's gotten to the point that I've called the doctors to book an appointment. I hate going to the doctor, but I dislike feeling like this even more.

This feeling of blah is starting to play games with my head. I've not been running because of the overall feeling of wanting to vomit. Sorry, I know that isn't very pretty. I just want to feel like myself again. I have no energy. Some mornings, getting ready for work, it is all I can do to shower. That isn't pretty either.

I've been doing a lot of reading. Doesn't take much energy to lift a book. That is the upside. I've barely been eating which is okay, but that isn't the way I want to lose weight. Watch me have a gain this week. LOL Okay, that isn't really funny!

Let's hope another 12 hour sleep helps me feel better. It didn't do much for me today, but trying to keep a positive outlook here. Oh, I do have positive to share. I got my hair cut and coloured today. I love it! If I can get a good shot of it tomorrow I'll post pretty pictures. It felt good to be pampered when I was like a poo bag!

Off to read some more.

When The Running is Tough

The runners try to maintain a healthy diet. This is my effort to try and undo the damage to my heart and head when I was still in pain this morning on my run. I decided to come upstairs and try and turn the frown upside down with some good eats.

The little Daisy girl in the background is good at bringing out the smiles too. She is such a little bum and I just love her to bits, although the feeling isn't so much mutual. She is a Cute Boy girl.

Nothing much on the agenda today. Mini run 8 minutes -woohoo. Not only is my leg sensitive, but my treadmill seems to be making a nasty banging noise now too! It was moved this past week with the incline up and that is a major no-no. I have to get a name of a repair guy to come have a look at it. Add that to the list of annoyances in my running world and I'm in a pissy mood!

Big baseball party on the schedule for tonight. Really looking forward to it. I love partying with my ball team. They are so fun and funny. I will be partaking in some cupcakes. I can't wait for that as much as I am looking forward to hanging out and relaxing.

I am dragging ass though, because as much as I was excited to be off all weekend, no sooner did I hit 'publish post', last night saying I was off all weekend, the phone rang calling me in for a midnight. It wasn't the best midnight I've ever worked, but it's done now.

I'm off to do a little bit more of nothing.

Mish Mash of Thoughts

The week has been a busy one. I woke up this morning surprised it is already Thursday. I love it.

My sweet beautiful friend Velda had a stint in hospital. I will now state the obvious that these bouts of issues scare the shit out of me! I can only imagine her fear. When I pick up the phone and it's her husband on the phone, I'm less than cordial. I'm all "What do you want?" I don't mean to be rude, but for a split second my stomach plummets, my hands shake, my body temperature skyrockets. Pretty much a panic attack.

My leg is getting better. I've been icing it, but I've yet to do any running on it. I'm a chicken poop. I'm so apprehensive about hurting myself again or having the pain, that is gone for now, will return. Fall off the horse get back on needs to be my motto for this one.

I'm all sports excited today. The Habs start their run for Mr. Stanley! I'm realistic in the fact I know it's going to be a challenge, but I'm going at this one with optimism. I never really cheered for a team until starting my relationship with Cute Boy. It was hard not to get caught up in the youth movement in Montreal, okay Carey Price is super cute too although Carey is not the goalie of choice right now. Go HABS Go!

There is a party for this weekend for my ball team. Okay, not really MY ball team because I'm not playing this year - YAAAAAA!!!! I'm all about the party though and that is all I'll say about that right now.

Bring on the Friday afternoon!!!!!

Weigh In Craziness

My new Weight Watcher week started off on the right foot. Down 1.8lbs. Now before you wave the banners and compliment me on what a good job I did, read the whole entry first. I only really lost the weight I gained last week. I am gaining and losing the same 1-2lbs now. I am currently sitting just inside the 130's and I really do not want to see the 140's again. I'm so tired of this yin yang of my weight.

I hadn't tracked a single thing since Saturday morning. I was so off the points path that I just didn't even attempt to figure out a number to fit the gluttony. It was bad. Really really bad. How I ended up with a loss I'll never know. I'll take it, gladly, but it's not a loss I deserve. Now, that being said there have been gains I didn't deserve either, so I guess we're even on that one.

I have only run 2 times since last Saturday. The time and distance didn't amount to much because of the tenderness in my leg/knee. It is improving, I'm happy to report. I am planning a long run tomorrow, but not sure how successful I'll be. Mind over matter with a dash of common sense for good measure. Oh my goodness, how grown up I've become. Isn't that something!

I am so looking forward to getting off work tonight and starting my weekend. I don't work at the part time job this weekend. I'm off ALL weekend and so is Cute Boy! That doesn't happen very often. It will be a low key weekend with a road trip to Belleville tomorrow, leaving the house early. I will hit the street when I get home, sometime early afternoon. It will be a good dinner (I hope) and then Habs hockey at 8pm. I love those nights so much. Just Cute Boy and I doing the whole living together life thing. It's fun. It's days like this I realize how sweet my life is. I have to remember that feeling when I'm dragging butt between 2 jobs and operating on 4 hours sleep or less, which will be next weekend and the one after that too.

Awwwww, sweet sweet life!

Soggy Run Edition

It has taken me since Saturday to get this run entered.

It was long run Saturday AGAIN! There was snow AGAIN. There was rain AND snow. Weather wise it was not pretty. If the weather wasn't pretty, the run itself was downright ugly! Ugly. Ugly. Ugly.

No excuses. I was coming off a midnight with little sleep the couple days prior to my long run. I was running with tree trunk legs. The negative mental chatter was nasty. I couldn't find a groove to save my life. I was running 1 minute walking 1 minute. I would build to 2 minutes run and then walk again. It was just all around painful.

My legs were red for at least an hour after my run. The good thing is that I can walk normal today which was not the case last week. So, are things looking up? I hope.

Lessons learned are that things are not always the way they should be on run day and you can still finish what you set out to do. 11.58K (7.24 miles) in 1 hr 27 minutes. I'll take it. It is my longest distance to date and I survived. That, right now, in my books is a victory.

One More Mile

Erica, posted on my blog about a contest she is running on her blog..... omg this looks another fun blog. I'm getting myself in to a lot of trouble here lately.

Erica is running a contest for a free One More Mile t-shirt. The options available are way too many to choose only one, so I wishy washy and didn't commit. Oh, so like me.

And, just so you know I would really like to win this one too! I'm sooooo bad. Bad is the new good in case you were wondering.

Fit for a King, err Princess

Being a running enthusiast now I want this so bad. Being that I want so much to be a Princess I think this is a perfect shirt for me. Don't you agree? I thought you would!

Syl, you rock just because you rock! Thanks for offering up this adorable shirt.

January in Review

January in review:

What a month it has been. I can hardly believe it's just over a month since Christmas. Normally in my world, January drags on and on. I think keeping myself busy has been helpful, both for my mental state and my emotional well being.

Here are some of the things I've been doing to pass the time.

Running - 50.32KM

I've logged 12 runs for the preparation of my half marathon in May. It's only MY half marathon! Ya right. There is an estimated 35,000 people over the course of the Ottawa Run weekend. When I'm not running I'm thinking about running. It has consumed me. I have a tendency to become obsessive about certain things. I see an obsession in the making. Apologies now to those that have to listen to me drone on and on about this run or that run.

Reading - 5 books

I've read 5 books this month! I'm blown away by this one. It's been so long I can't remember when I last read 5 books in a month.

Talk Me Down - Victoria Dahl
Last Gasp - Carly Cassidy
The Last Song - Nicholas Sparks
I, Alex Cross - James Patterson
Too Close To Home - Linwood Barclay

I have another book that I'm almost finished, but it will be credited to February.

Weight Loss - 6 lbs lost

I've lost 6lbs over the course of the first month. I'm pretty happy with that. I'm still in the 140's and that part bothers me, a lot. I want to get in to the 130's again. I'm most comfortable at 125-123, so for me to be in the 140's it still seems like a long way to go. I know in reality I'm more than I number, but the mental games I play with myself and my thoughts of carrying around this extra weight weighs heavier than the weight itself. 6lbs for a month is a great start and I know this as well as anyone. I am focusing more on the running right now rather than the weight loss, but the weight is never far from the front of my thoughts. Over the course of my training I'm sure I'll lose a little bit more weight, but nothing like the 125 I want to be sitting at. One meal at a time and I'll get there eventually.

Stitching - 16h 10m

Well, I've once again discovered my desire to stitch. I'm not able to find the time at home and that is okay. I stitch at work every other week when I'm working evenings. I'm too busy at home when I'm on days getting ready for the following day to sit down and put needle to thread. I find my thoughts about my stitching have really changed. It isn't so task oriented now, it's just fun again. I don't have to push myself to get it done, just enjoy the process. I had a visit from the frogs (those non-stitchers, that is when you have rip out your work) and rather than become all stressed out it was just a matter of pulling it out and starting over. That is a wonderful place to be in regards to the love I have in stitching.

I've offered my services to Velda, but I'm not sure if she'll take me up on my offer. Time will tell. Seriously, V, if you're reading I will totally do this for you. Pam said she would do one too, and you could even start it the way you stitch - she's a lefty too! Think about it, my dear.


Personal Life

My home life is amazing. Cute Boy and I are just grooving along. Working and doing what we can when we can when we're together. He and I are great and that is no small wonder. It is wonderful.

Our children are in various states of life and that is tough. I think, tougher for me than for him, but that stands to reason I'm a more emotional critter than Cute Boy. I struggle with the place of my girls. I know things will eventually work themselves out and the girls will be stronger for it. Living through it is another story.

All in all it's been a busy month and a good month. If this doesn't prove the point that I missed my calling as a statistician, I don't know what will.

Have a great one!

Speedy I'm Not, Excited I Am

I'm no speedy Gonzales that much I know.

I put in a pretty decent run last night. It was my re-introduction to the trusty friend I have in my treadmill.

30 minutes later covering 3.7KM with a 12:59, just call it a 13 minute mile. OMG that is an eye opener to have far I have slid in my overall performance.

I will not do the negative head chatter. This isn't about where I used to be, but where I am now and where I'm headed. I loved my run last night. I used my new i-pod (not fully loaded with tunes yet) and it was great. It felt invigorating to work up a good sweat. I loved the feeling of the hurt. All good hurt, of course I loved the fact that I could belt out tunes at the top of my lungs while pushing to get it done. Get it done, all meant in the best of intentions.

I walked away feeling invigorated and the most alive I've felt in months. It is a wonderful feeling to have a goal in mind!

Sleepy Cardio Kid

I'm finding a bit of a cardio groove!

I went to the gym again and I'm starting to feel more comfortable and not as though I'm just going through the paces. I'm very proud of myself and that being said, is something I don't say very often. I'm not looking for pats and kudos. Simple observation.

Last night was a crappy night between the sheets. I suffer something awful from really poor sleep habits after the first 4 hours and last night was brutal. I could have easily got out of bed at 3-30am. I now have in my hands, a little nugget of gold - a sleeping pill. A girl from work gave me one of hers to see if it helps me before I invest in a pack of my own. Sleeping pills is not something I'm excited about taking, but a girl can only survive so long in a zombie like state.

All this sleep chatter does have purpose. I was unsure of what kind of work out I was going to achieve dragging ass like I was. I told K-Pow today that I was still hitting the gym, no excuses. I'm so glad I persevered and didn't let exhaustion keep me from my work out.

I ran for a distance of 4.34KM and that was not a hard pushed work out. I did it, but didn't push myself to my limits. I do have another "I love it moment" - my elbows were sweating!!!!!! I love when my elbows have sweat on them. I feel incredible when I have the sheen of perspiration. Does that make me odd? I mean, any odder than I already am?

One of my BLBE team mates, Mary Beth asked a question - Yes, I am a big reader. I love it and struggle between finding time for all the hobbies I have, reading, cross stitching and now returning to the gym.

Thanks to all my BLBE teammates and non-teammates, Bre (love you) that stop by and leave comments. Even from the non teammates challenging to kick my ass. I live for the challenge and my desire to push forward is huge.

Running (or Walking) For A Cure

I've decided to sign up for the CIBC Run For The Cure.

I'm excited, but truth be told I'm scared to death. I've not run in what seems like forever and the thoughts of this commitment is more than I'm prepared for mentally. I don't want to make light of the fundraising, so I will keep in mind the reason I'm doing this!

I volunteered to do this run (walk) and I did it with the knowledge of what I'm getting in for, both mentally and physically. This being unlike a patient fighting breast cancer. There is no warning, no mental preparation! So, on that note this run is going to be something I'm honoured to be doing and not something I'm going to be dreading. I will run/walk and do what needs to be done. This event, for me, is about raising money and not about the physically pain I'm going to feel after such a long lay off from running or from being physical in any form, for that matter.

There is a possibility of a very special person participating along with me. I will leave that for the special person to make their own announcement.

I don't often petition for funds, but feel free to donate. No amount is too small an amount. A twoonie will do!

From the bottom of my heart - thank you!

Goal Failure Although I'll Not Give Up

This is not going to be pretty, but here goes:

1. Drink 64 oz water daily - done Friday and Saturday. Not Sunday
2. Measure my foods. No more eyeballing it. - Done
3. 3 fruit or veggies daily. I should be getting a minimum of 5! - Done Friday and Saturday. Not Sunday
4. Only 1 Tim Horton's French Vanilla Iced Coffee per day, if at all. - 1 Friday. None Saturday. 3 Sunday. So, none on Monday. Is that fair?
5. Run at least every other day starting with my new running week of Monday. I'll update that on my Yankee Stadium Distance challenge - Can't wait until Tuesday. Ran Saturday!
6. Forgive myself for my lazy approach to my body. It breaks my heart, but I can not continue to mentally beat myself up anymore. It is detrimental to my emotional well being. - Doing okay so far!
7. Track my WW journal - Sunday was ridiculous, but I'm tracking!

I'm not overly surprised with how this weekend is playing out. I struggle when in the company of Cute Boy and I know this. I think things will be different when we're living together, but right now the food choices are the greatest at his house where I don't have control over my food choices. Thank goodness for the Caesar salad that could be counted as a vegetable.

Public Humiliation

Okay, Velda! You've challenged me! Never one to back down from a challenge, I'm laying myself out for public inspection. My weigh in this morning has knocked my world off it's axis and I'm disgusted!

This is not going to be pretty, but here goes:

1. Drink 64 oz water daily

2. Measure my foods. No more eyeballing it.

3. 3 fruit or veggies daily. I should be getting a minimum of 5!

4. Only 1 Tim Horton's French Vanilla Iced Coffee per day, if at all.

5. Run at least every other day starting with my new running week of Monday. I'll update that on my Yankee Stadium Distance challenge

6. Forgive myself for my lazy approach to my body. It breaks my heart, but I can not continue to mentally beat myself up anymore. It is detrimental to my emotional well being.

7. Track my WW journal.

No more, 'oh, I ate bad, I'm not counting anymore' attitude.

For now, that is all I have.

Thanks, V! Love ya, hon.

My Life In A Nutshell

There is so much going on in my life right now that I find I'm scatter brained when it comes to trying to compose a blog entry. I've not been posting, but trust me it is not for lack of trying. I couldn't count the number of times I've started an entry to find myself with a mental block and hitting the delete button. Sorry!

Here goes. Now, that being said where do I begin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things with the girls are interesting to say the least. I still never see Queenie. This life of hers is a major stresser for me, but I'm just letting her do her thing. Against my better judgement most days, but it's not for me to decide any longer.

Princess on the other hand had me hopping a bit ago. She had herself a major lapse in judgement (I'm being overly kind) and didn't like that I took the hard line with her. She quickly decided she wanted to visit her dad for a while. She is leaving to go to her dad's on the 28th of July until sometime towards the middle to end of August. She has since decided she regrets this rash decision of running to her dad's but it is a learning experience for her, at least I think so anyway.

I'm going to miss her like nobody's business, but I think it is going to be good for her. As much as she was overwhelmed with her situation and mad at me when she made this decision, she sees now, her best place, and most appreciated place is with me. Even when I'm mad at her, or disappointed in her, as was the case, her best place of support is to be home. There are a whole plethora of emotions she is dealing with in regards to going to her dad's and for that, I feel for her. I try to look at this situation as a character builder for her. We'll see if I'm right or not. I know she's apprehensive now, because he sees a crack in her commitment to be home and he is going to put the full court press on her to move there with him.

I'll do my best to update her situation as it unfolds. You'd think I was giving you a play by play of a daytime drama!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things with work are the same. The full time position that will be/should be mine was posted last Wednesday, with a closing date of tomorrow at 1:30p. It's pretty much just the dotting the i's and crossing the t's and the position will be mine. I've been working in a full time capacity for the last 3 months and with the retirement of a full time co-worker, I'll be full time next.

As much as it is a good thing after being part time now for 9 years, I'm of mixed emotions about being full time full time. It is a cut in pay, but not really. Right now I'm paid in lieu of benefits and holidays, but if I don't work I don't get paid. When I'm officially full time I'll have 4 full weeks of holidays paid. It is what you work towards and to finally realize the end is near it is somewhat draining and scary. The loss of in lieu on my pay is equivalent to about 300-400 per pay at a full time work week. I don't always work full time, but since I have been for 3 months, it is similar to a pay cut.

I really am very happy and relieved to finally be at the of my part time career, as much as it may not sound that way. It is just a mental adjustment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've not been stitching at all. I miss it greatly, I really do. As much as I miss it I can not for the life of me find the desire to pick up a needle! I could have stitched so much my last week of work 6p-2am, but I just had nothing in the tank as far as drive for dragging out my stash. So very sad. I'm hoping to at least make a more concerted effort tomorrow night. I' promise to try!

~~~~~~~~~~
Things with the house are just! I've been selling things in my home...my sectional couch, my lawn mower, barbecue. My kitchen table is currently for sale and a few other things. It is strange to see things go, but there is no need, nor room for things to be kept at this point in the game.

Cute Boy and I are trying to find temporary accommodations for 4 months for when my house closes and our house is built. We are looking at a 2 bedroom condo this coming weekend. It will be a tight fit when Cute Boy's girls come for the weekends, but things will get figured out. The rent on this place will be considerably cheaper than we are both paying in a mortgage payment, so the extra money will be helpful in cleaning up our debt or purchasing appliances for the new house. This house building is expensive business!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
My fitness and eating are atrocious at the moment. I'm at the point where I'm starting to obsess about my weight and poor eating habits. I'm annoyed as hell at myself that I've let myself go to the point that I'm now 10lbs over my comfortable weight. I hate looking in the mirror. I feet terrible beyond anything that I've ever felt before. I'm at a loss right now about what I should do!

I'm trying to get back to my running and I will eventually. I just want to hit the street and lose myself in my thoughts and not look at running as means to an end (losing weight and leaning down), but as a way to give myself a much deserved break from the everyday demands of my life. I think that is not too much to do for myself. Now doing it is a completely other story all together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think that is all I have for today! It is a long one, I know. Sorry about that. I should know better than to be away for so long next time.

Thanks for getting through it all, if you did. You rock!

My Running Goals

I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to work towards in regards to my running goals over the next little bit. I know I should not be concerned right now with my goals, but relaxing after the injuries pre-race of Sunday past and the stiffness I'm still feeling in my legs. My legs are still stiff and that is sad, but here I am lining up for another torture test all on my own... no help, just me!

All that said, I very seldom rest and if I do, it's not for long. So, I got to thinking. Don't be scared, its okay I didn't hurt myself with the taxing effect of thinking on my lazy brain. I'm thinking I'm going to do 2 more runs this year and then that is it until next year's Resolution Run.

I'm going to do the Terry Fox Run on September 14. The only thing that may hinder this particular race is whether or not I'm working part time or full time hours. If I'm working part time hours, I'll probably have to skip the race since I'll be working on the Sunday of the race.


The second race I want to do this year is the CIBC Run For The Cure. This race isn't until October 5th. I'm not sure who I'll be running this one with, but I'm running it. I'm really looking forward to it and I'm not passing the opportunity by this year. The possibility is strong that I will be working full time at this point, with weekends off again, so I have no reason not to participate.

I am a mother of 2 wonderful young girls, not to mention some incredible woman I know that have survived breast cancer. If I can do something to contribute to the fundraising efforts to find a cure or advancements in treatment, it's something I must do! I have immense issues with not participating in this year's Relay for Life and I don't want to have those same regrets with this year's Terry Fox Run or The Run for the Cure, so this is my public declaration of commitment!

I will be registering of the Run For the Cure soon. Keep your eyes open for when I let you know. I'm not much of a fundraiser (I hate asking for money), so if you'd be so kind to offer a few dollars it will go a long way to making a difference.

Now, my question is this: Do you think that is too much fundraising is such a short period of time?