Friday, February 08, 2008

The Love is Gone

I finally finished frogging LOVE. It was painful to do and took me about 4 hours. I started frogging it on Sunday and didn't pick my stitching back up until this evening. As much as I missed working on my stitching, I just didn't have the heart to frog anymore.

I've now started working on the row above Love. I'll not count down to restart Love until I completely finish the line above. This is a piddly part of the design which is part of the reason I started on the LOVE portion to begin with. That will teach me, eh!

In house related news, I've been busy. When am I not though? I caulked the trim in the hallway today. I did the door trim and all the floor trim. It looks much better than when I began. I primed my bedroom door yesterday. I now have to do Princess' door, the spare room and bathroom door. The primer on it's own, without paint looks pretty good. If time gets short I'm sure I could get away with just a coat of primer. Not my way of doing things, but there may be sacrifices that have to be made.

Pam and I went shopping today. Oh what fun. It has been ages since we've been able to just hang out. We went and bought the other candle holder for my room and silver coloured bathroom shower hooks. I'm now on the quest to find a little silver basket type thing to go on the back of my toilet to up rolled up face clothes to add a little colour in an inexpensive manner. I did a little valentine's shopping for the girls. That was about it for me. I lived vicariously through Pam and her shopping today. She closed on her new house today and there were things she needed to buy, so I tagged along! Better her pocket book taking a bang than mine.

Today is Queenie's 17th Birthday. It is a day mixed with joy and more than a little sadness. How is it that you try so hard to do your best and things just don't turn out quite the way you envisioned them. The biggest crap shoot in life is the one in which you're raising children. I only pray and hope her life path takes her somewhere successful and safe. I've tried to do what I can to guide her, but I think my influence is long passed and no longer desired.

I don't know that life, when I was first separated caused me as much concern and worry. I was very sad and broken hearted, but I never feared for my future. The future of my daughter, I fret about almost constantly. I love my children dearly and have never for a minute regretted the decision to have them. That being said, I never wanted children, as much as they are a blessing and a most wonderful gift. I find it ironic, I was the one that was hesitant to have children. I didn't think I was the nurturing type, didn't think I could do a child justice. The irony being, I am essentially a single parent facing the struggles of doing the best I can in an ugly situation. To parent two children in a marriage, the marriage dies and then to be thrust into the role of decision maker, the support system, the go-to, the taxi, the one to dump on when life doesn't work out for them, is a lot. The upside is that I share in the everyday of Princess' life. No greater gift than that, could I find. As much as I would love to in share in Queenie's everyday as well, that is not where we are right now.

Sorry for the melancholy and heavy hearted, but the brain started going and the fingers followed along.

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