Dreaded Day
This is the day I dread, year after year. This would be the day that marks the anniversary of my mother's death.
It has been 20 years now and never does it get easier. There is not a day goes by that I don't think of her in one way or another. I am now the mother of an 18 year old and a 15, almost 16 year old. Princess is right at the age I was when my mother first when in to the hospital. I couldn't imagine if I were taken from her day to day life right now,only to be gone forever 4 years from now. We never know how much time we have left, I know, although the thoughts of my life paralleling my mother's is never far from mind.
I was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep. There is much going on in my world right now that I'm struggling with and this anniversary of sorts in not helping any. My mother being here right now would be greatly welcome. Funny how you change and grow. My mother always used to talk to me about being my friend and at 15 years old that was the last thing in the world I wanted. Right now, what I wouldn't give for that opportunity.
My mother didn't live beyond her 39th birthday (died at 38). It has always been a personal concern that I suffer the same fate. I'm going to be 40 this year and I see that as a wonderful milestone. There are many factors in my mother's early death that play a role in how I live my own life. The main one is trying to live a healthy life in the physical sense. My drive to be fit and a certain weight aren't just because I'm vain. I know carrying extra weight is an opportunity for various medical conditions to present themselves. I've got enough issues with my mother's medical history alone I don't need to exacerbate the situation by living in an unhealthy manner.
I try to be the person that would most make her proud. Stand up for my children and my own convictions. Be strong in the face of adversity. Don't be afraid to speak my mind and defend the defenseless. Fight for the underdog. Work hard. Love the sunshine on a beautiful day. I never know, I just hope.
As always thinking of you.
9 comments:
(((GREAT BIG SQUISHY HUGS TO YOU)))
I know how hard it is, and I know that it never get much easier.
I never had the honour of meeting your mom but I have a feeling that she would be very proud of you and your girls!
XOXO
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today. I know it is difficult and scary when one comes close to the age when a parent passed away. My dad was just a year younger than I am when he died and all last year, I thought of him every single day. Tammy, I am sending you huge HUGS and prayers that today will be somehow a bit easier for you.
Your mother would be very proud!
((HUGS)) - you are in my thoughts today!!
I cannot even imagine how hard it must have been/still is to have lost your mother. If that happened to me today, I know it would be an uphill battle for a very long time. My thoughts are certainly with you and your family today.
I know your mother would be so proud of you Tammy, not only in the person you've become but in the way you have become an amazing mother. I know theres more, but I'll stop there. Love you ((hugs))
{{{Hugs}}} You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh Tammy! I'm sorry you've had such an emotional day :o( You are an incredibly kind, warm and giving person and I can only imagine that your mother is beaming with pride :o) It must be hard not to compare your life to hers but I hope that you can one day get over that. It took me 8 years in my journey. I know yours has been much longer but I wish you peace at some point in your life. ((((HUGS))))
From the brief time I've spent watching your blog and talking with you, I have learned that you are an amazingly kind and dedicated person. I am sure that your mother would be very proud of you, indeed. I'm sorry that you had to lose her so young. *hugs*
((Hugs)), I know the day has passed but you are in my thoughts as I read about this difficult time for you.
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