Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I Ask Myself Why

Preamble - This is a full on rant and you're more than welcome to back up and leave. I understand! I'm just using this blog for it's original purpose, to get it out of my head.

There is nothing like a little anger, or huge amounts of anger for that matter to spur on a killer work out. Okay, maybe not killer to some standards, but for me - killer. My arms are already telling me a thing or two! I love it.

My work out consisted of 30 min. on the elliptical with a final distance of 7.4K. WOOHOO!! Do you know how therapeutic it is to work out in the dark? Maybe not so therapeutic when there are tears screaming down your face. A girl has to do what a girl has to do though. I also lifted the following:

Standing Dumbbell Curls
W-10lbs
R - 12
S - 3

Shoulder Raises
W - 10lbs
R - 12
S - 3

Single Arm Hammer Curls
W - 10lbs
R - 12
S - 2

That was all I could think of to do off the top of my head. Limited resources and limited imagination. It was something though and in spite all the swirling head crap and personal crap, I'm glad for what I did do!

I'm so sick and tired of this emotional roller coaster of my life. One day is incredible and then another day is a nightmare. I can't take it! I'm tired of the constant struggle with what is coming next. I loved my life this morning and tonight I don't know what to think. My defences are up, my heart is shaken and my confidence in question. I'm not used to that feeling anymore. A meltdown with cursing and screaming took place and in the presence of another person's child no less! Not cool at all. I think that might be the source of 99.9% of my anger, that another person's child would have to be witness to this garbage. I can't even put to words my disgust!


Tomorrow will be a better day because it sure as hell can't get worse than the end of this one.

Sweet dreams to you and enjoy Biggest Loser. I won't be watching tonight's episode (another rant for another day - maybe).

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