Lordy, My Legs!

Yesterday was supposed to be a chest work out day. It was also Cute Boy's oldest daughter's graduation day too. That took precedence. I could have probably been better with time management and fit my work out in too, but I was too busy enjoying the extra time with Cute Boy to bother with working out. My bad, I know! It's all about balance, right?

Graduation was awesome! I will do a post in the next couple days. Suffice it to say we are both very happy to know that half our collected children (2 of 4) have graduated high school. Both of our graduates took a rough route, but they both succeeded and are college bound in a few short months.

Sorry. Back to the topic at hand. My legs. My poor poor legs. Today's workout was short and sweet. I stated in an earlier entry that I'm not a fan of our home gym, but I have amend that statement a wee bit. I'm doing okay with 2 home work outs under my belt. Again, difficulty walking. This time from the lunges, squats and calf raises and not the treadmill workout from my Oxygen magazine.

Squats
1 set - no weight - 12 reps
2nd set - 15lb weight - 12 reps

Lunges
1 set - no weight - 10 reps each leg
2nd set - 10lb weight in my outstretched arms - 10 reps each leg

Low Rise Calf Raises
1 set - no weight - 10 reps
2nd set - 10lbs - 10 reps

Single Leg Step Calf Raises
1 set - no weight - 10 reps each leg
2nd set - 10lbs - 10 reps each leg

You may notice I only did 2 sets of each exercise and most normally you will see 3 sets. 3 is my comfort level and what I was taught and what I do. Today, not going to happen. I was in so much pain by the final rep of the single leg calf raises that I was just about crying from the maniacal laughter.

This work out, as much as it didn't involve a lot of weight, was brutal. I felt my quads in a way that I haven't felt them in a very long time. It felt about as great as I imagine someone sticking needles in my eyes would feel. Again, the stairs are killer and walking down the front steps to the truck this afternoon with Cute Boy was really fun too - NOT. Not when he's snickering at me because I'm walking like I'm a 2 year old just figuring out how to do the stairs alone. Nice! :)

I'm really starting to rethink this at home working out. It's really not all that bad. It just takes an open mind and the drive to follow it through. So far so good.

Treadmill and Triceps Today

I sat down last night and laid out a little work out routine that I can do at home. It's not where I used to be, in weights nor in intensity, but for now it is what I can do. I will revamp as I can and I see things needing improvement.


I am trying to get passed the thoughts of yesterday and focus on what can be done for me today. Today's work out was a 24 minute run, as per my half marathon training plan. I decided to play with that a bit today too. I did Oxygen magazine's Crank Up Your Cardio treadmill run. It is interval based with 2-5 minutes of either walking, jogging or running. Holy hell! It was intense. I wasn't sure I would be able to finish it. I got it in my head that I would quit at 24 minutes. At 24 minutes, I said to heck with it, another 6 minutes would definitely not kill me. As I sit here at the computer, with my legs doing absolutely nothing, my calves hurt. It is painful hurt, but a good hurt! I covered a 3.6K distance which is pretty good since I was doing an awful lot of walking.


I also worked my triceps today. Keep in mind I have a minimally stocked weight room, that I absolutely abhor! It is lacking in space. It is lacking in weight selection. It is lacking in equipment. Most of all, it lacks in a place that I want to be when I'm lifting weights. When I think about going downstairs to work out, I get angry. How pathetic and sad is that.

Now that I've finished bitching about my work out room and the conditions under which I have to work out, I will finally tell you what I did.

Standing Overhead Extensions - 8lbs 12/15/15 reps - 3 sets
Single Lying Arm Crossovers - 8lbs 12/15 - 2 sets each arm
Bench Dips - 10 - 2 sets
Kickbacks - 8lbs - 5 - 1 set each arm

I could feel my triceps when I was working them, but now, not at all. :(

I really need to get a flat bench to compliment the one that is down there, that has a seated leg kicks attachment.

Tomorrow I am going to do the cardio crank up routine again and then work another body part. Which body part I've lined up, I can't remember and the book is downstairs. Those stairs that my legs get annoyed with having to climb!

The Evolution of a Friendship

How is it to know when a friendship is no longer a friendship, but an acquaintance.

I struggle with this thought a lot. It is funny because it's all about labeling and really who cares?

You are friends with a person and you do things with them and that is great. A common ground is discovered and a friendship comes to life. That is when things are good and you're learning and discovering how best this particular friend fits and fills a need. As time passes and things change, so does the friendship. It is over time that you show a different side of yourself and a different side is seen of your friend.

Without words being spoken, you find you're no longer spending time with each other and that is okay, because the needs of the friendship are not what they once were nor are the people. As much as the people may not see their contribution or patterned behaviour it is there to be evidenced.

When something or someone comes into your life and fills a void and is no longer needed, is it wrong to not grieve that change or loss? I struggle with this too. I don't grieve it. I get annoyed with it. I feel used and tossed aside. Not tossed aside in a way that bothers me, but tossed aside in the way that I was the replacement to a previous friend of the friend. I feel that I should reach out to the friend I replaced and offer my compassion and apologies. It's a tough one. I never saw the behaviour for what it was to the first friend and now that I'm the replaced one, I see. How self absorbed am I???

What has really defined the end of a friendship and the move to acquaintance is the lack of honesty and openness. It's as though secrets are kept or life is now being compartmentalized. That is the most bothersome to me, if anything is right now. Just be honest about what you're doing. It's a small world. People share and things are learned. It is the separation and secrets that are the problem for me. These 'secrets' you keep, are suspected and to have them confirmed by someone other than the friend is just, I don't know maddening, I guess maddening fits best.

Of this, I wash my hands.

Do I sound childish? I don't intend to come across that way. I find it a difficult thing to explain without sounding like I'm 5 y.o. and taking my ball and going home!

Not Feeling Well

I've been fighting some sort of bug lately. I have no idea. The combination of issues are odd. I've been hot/cold, sweaty/clammy. Stomach ache when I eat. Stomach ache when I don't eat. Frequent headaches.

I stayed home from work today and I called in for tomorrow (Thursday) as well. I've been feeling this way for the last 10 days or so. I will think I'm starting to turn a corner and not feel too bad then the feelings all present themselves again. It's very odd and more than annoying. It's gotten to the point that I've called the doctors to book an appointment. I hate going to the doctor, but I dislike feeling like this even more.

This feeling of blah is starting to play games with my head. I've not been running because of the overall feeling of wanting to vomit. Sorry, I know that isn't very pretty. I just want to feel like myself again. I have no energy. Some mornings, getting ready for work, it is all I can do to shower. That isn't pretty either.

I've been doing a lot of reading. Doesn't take much energy to lift a book. That is the upside. I've barely been eating which is okay, but that isn't the way I want to lose weight. Watch me have a gain this week. LOL Okay, that isn't really funny!

Let's hope another 12 hour sleep helps me feel better. It didn't do much for me today, but trying to keep a positive outlook here. Oh, I do have positive to share. I got my hair cut and coloured today. I love it! If I can get a good shot of it tomorrow I'll post pretty pictures. It felt good to be pampered when I was like a poo bag!

Off to read some more.

Balance Board

You know you're struggling with your weight when a loss of .6lb has you fist pumping like a lottery winner.



I felt like a lottery winner when I stepped off that scale this morning.

There was a time when the losses and stay the sames, weren't a bad thing, and it seemed to come easy. I say easy, but I don't mention the 6 days, 8-10 hours I spent in the gym each week. The careful watching of food I ate. The gym and lifestyle were great, but looking back now I see as off balance.

Today, my life has balance. It has some running. No weight training. I hate weight training at home and I hate weight training alone! My life has beer and healthy eating. My life has a man that is not pushing himself or me for something more than what we currently have in our life right now.

There was this moment that happened about 6 weeks ago. My oldest daughter was here when I was getting dressed, and I know not the best message to send to a 19 y.o., but in the end the lesson was taught to me.

Not a lot of clothes fit me right now. I refuse to go shopping to get bigger sizes. I just refuse. That feels to me that I'm giving in to be this weight and I don't want to do that. So, in that line of thought, refusing to shop, I will get back to my story regarding my daughter and the life lesson.

I was getting dressed and I had put on this particular pair of carpi's that I have owned for years. I owned them when I was with my ex-husband and they fit well when I bought them. I continued weight training and running on the treadmill and biking at the gym. The pants got to being unflattering and extremely saggy bummed. He told me time after time that they didn't compliment me and my hard work, that I should throw them out. I continually said I'd keep them for a day that I was just grubbing around the house. The pants never got thrown out, but the marriage ended and the husband is on his way to be coming an ex-husband.

Fast forward to when I was going to wear these pants the other day. I put them on because they are a go-to pair that fit when most everything else is too small. I put the pants on and did them up and then uncontrolled tears just silently rolled down my cheeks until I was sobbing. My daughter walks in and sees me and asks what is wrong and I tell her these pants didn't fit to the point that I should have gotten rid of them and now they are fitting like they should, so much so that I have to put them in to regular rotation! I was so sad.

I've raised a very wise and intuitive daughter. Much wiser than I realized until this particular conversation. Her response was: You and Dad lived your life together and at the gym. You both looked great, but at what cost? You were at they gym working out and getting healthier and Dad was at the gym working out so he could look good to go out and cheat on you. You don't want that and you know you don't. You come home to a man that loves you. He has never made a comment about your weight, he thinks you look great. You come home from work and sit with him on the couch. You talk. You laugh. You have a beer with him and watch the hockey game. You are happy. Which would you want? The life of being thinner than you are now at the gym all the time, trying to please Dad, or feel and look like you do, with a man, like Cute Boy that loves you for you!

Pretty smart girl, huh?

I was crying when I put the pants on and I was crying at that moment. To have such love and support, but most important validation that I did what I could when I could. It was a moment that really impacted me and still does. I am truly blessed with people that understand I struggle with where I was when I was heavier than I want, where I was in my head when I was smaller and how I am still struggling with how I feel as I've gained some of the weight back.

I am working towards the balance and for today, I think I have it!

I am happy with a loss and I am happy to know that eventually I will figure out what best works for me in getting to where I am comfortable and that do that I don't need to be in the gym 6 days a week, sometimes twice a day. I don't need steroids - never did them, but was pushed in that direction. I don't need work out pills. I need to drink some water. I need to ingest healthy foods. I need what I have right this very minute. People that support, love and listen.

I'm balancing really well right now!

Misinformation

In my point form entry from yesterday, I stated that my youngest daughter's best friend's mother had been diagnosed with 4th stage uterine cancer. That would be incorrect. She was misdiagnosed.

The poor woman. My heart hurts at the thoughts of how she must be riding the most frightening roller coaster.

The Point Is

I'm in a bit of funk as of late. It seems to be going around. I'm not normally one to want to be like everyone else and this is no different.

I've not blogged in a bit on account of being in this bit of a funk, so as much as I'm going to blog now, I'm going to cheat a bit and do it point form.

• I'm not sleeping well.
• I'm tired.
• My daughter's best friend's mother has been diagnosed with 4th stage uterine cancer.
• This hits too close to home. I'm not dealing with this well.
• I'm sick and tired of cancer and the fear it incites.
• I've been feeling sick to my stomach for days and mild annoying headaches.
• I am sick of working 2 jobs.
• 2 jobs is making a small financial difference and I'm thankful for that.
• I miss the sun.
• The rain is not helping me feel any better.
• My new running plan is going, but not great.
• My life is good and I feel ungrateful with what sounds like a negative post.
• I'm getting my hair cut and coloured next Wednesday.
• Is it next Wednesday yet?
• I want some quiet snuggle time with Cute Boy

That is a quick unload of the things floating in my head. I get like this from time to time. As quickly as it appears, something good will happen and I'll feel better. I don't get like this often and for that, I'm thankful.

It Begins Again

The insanity. The fun. The struggle. The triumph. The pain. The joy. The challenge. The desire that is this run will eventually be repeated.

The distance the same. The scenery and the people in attendance will be different this time around.


The place

<>The scenery could look, hopefully, will look something like this.

Crazy things happen and somehow I get myself right in the middle of them. Last week when I was doing the Law Enforcement Torch Run, I was talking to a girl that also ran the Ottawa Half, and she was telling me about different races around our area. She mentioned that Picton is a good, flat, fast course.

I, in my not so smart moments, mentioned this at work. Well, one thing led to another and I'm running another half marathon. Another half marathon, when I am still dealing with the wonderful feeling I still have from running my first half marathon. I am running again along with a first timer, Tracy. Pam and Kristie are going to walk the half marathon. Cute Boy is contemplating it too. There is a great possibility that a girl that works with Cute Boy will be joining in the fun too, by running the half. It would be her first ever half marathon too. How is it that, me, only ever having run one half marathon in my entire life, will be the veteran of the group? Just kidding. I'm just as green as the rest of them! LOL

I've already started training. I didn't run Monday, because the decision to do this didn't happen until late Monday night, so I've run Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm about to hit the treadmill soon to get my Thursday run in. It looks like I have a bit on my plate again. As much as I wasn't expecting it, I'm looking forward to it again. What have I done?

Gifts for Me

The Card

This card is gorgeous and with the most beautiful handwritten note. The card alone brought tears to my eyes. It was the sweetest most thoughtful gesture and written note made me feel beyond-words-special.

The Plaque

The plaque is engraved with:

Congraulations

Ottawa 1/2 Marathon

May 30, 2010

Time Completed 2:41

Tracy, the girl that was to come to Ottawa with Pam, Mary and I, but couldn't for personal reasons wanted to give me something to commemorate my special day. I couldn't be more touched. Everyone needs friends like mine that acknowledge the simple, the wonderful and the amazing things in one's life.

I have this little beauty sitting up on the shelf in my kitchen and each morning I drink coffee from my 'Ottawa' Starbucks mug that Pam bought me to celebrate when we where in Ottawa. A girl could get used to this kind of special treatment. Happy is me!

Law Enforcement Torch Run

I can't believe I forgot to tell you what I did on Friday morning. Not really surprising with all the hectic happenings of the Relay for Life. I participated in my very first Law Enforcement Torch Run in support of the Special Olympics


It took place in the quaint little town of Gananoque. There were too many picturesque shots, so I thought you could take a look at your leisure. The pictures don't come anywhere near to do the beauty of this town justice. It isn't very far at all from home, but not a place I visit often which is really very sad.

I participated because Cute Boy asked me to and since I was going along with him, I figured I might as well participate. It's only neighbourly to support others when have willingly supported me in my fundraising efforts, not to mention the girl that was putting in together is too cute for words. I was hesitant to do something such as this, not because I didn't think I could do it, but because when he asked my quads were still 1/2 marathon screaming.

We had Brian on site with us for our run through Gananoque. He would run for parts of the route then get in the police car, ride for a bit and then out again and carry the torch. It was quite an amazing experience. Oh, I said run. Others ran, Cute Boy and I rode our bikes.

The route was short and quick with police escorts in front and back. Uber cool! The car in back had a very siren-happy-driver, so that was a riot. The concept was simple. A few participants carried a pretty decorated Special Olympics Torch Run can, think paint can, and approached businesses, pedestrians and stopped vehicles for change. Quick and simple and quite lucrative I might add. In under an hour, over 450.00 was raised.

This was the perfect way to spend a beautiful Friday morning with the man I love, in a gorgeous town, doing some good for others. This is definitely something I will be doing again next year. To be honest, I can't wait it was that much fun and that rewarding.

What To Do Now

Relay for Life team barbecue - DONE

Team yard sale - DONE

Team music event - DONE

Relay for Life - DONE

Half Marathon - DONE

Now what to do with what seems to be all my free time?

I think I'm going to go home and hit the treadmill for a 24 minute run!

Why I Relay

This would be the reason I relay this year!

This year's team

One of my beautiful daughters ~ Princess

This year's version of Velda's Angels is now put to bed.

I am very proud to announce we raised over $3650+ dollars as a team. I am hopeful there is more money out there. I had a few team members that didn't show up or have their money sent in by those that did come out and support us.

I've learned a lot about others and more importantly a lot about myself while doing this relay team this year. I'm not sure all of it is good on either front. Along the way, I've been honoured, I've been annoyed, I've been thoroughly pissed off and upset, I've been disappointed and sometimes stunned. I know I should be more impressed with the money raised, rather than a bitter taste in mouth by the actions of some, but the frustration of this daunting task is more than I anticipated.

I was blessed by a few team members that were available, helpful and committed. It wasn't about signing up in name only and then never being present for an event, not one, or only one event. It was a commitment of time and emotions, not just a phoned in experience. For those team members, thank you!

I didn't intend to come here and rant about this that or the other. The reason for why I do what I do is because of Velda. That being said, I don't deal well if I perceive the reason why some are doing this is for the wrong reasons. The problems I for see in future years is being able to control the team members I have and that is near to impossible. You can't control who joins, so as soon as I activate my account for next year, I'm stuck with running the risk of team members I've struggled with this year.

On a very positive note, Cute Boy saw how much I struggled. The commitment issues of others, and the way I was doing what I could at the eleventh hour to keep the wheels from falling off, and he told me he's in for next year if I do this. I don't know how I could not do. This is about Velda after all. Having Cute Boy on the team would be awesome. I've never been on a relay team with a guy before, so that would present a whole new dynamic. Not to mention I love this man to bits! I look forward to that different dynamic.

All in all, the event was a success, monetarily. Emotionally not so much.

Twas The Night Before The Half

Pam, Mary and I hit Ottawa about 2p or so. We did some walking around and went to the Expo site to pick up our race kits. WOW! This is really happening, was the thought that kept floating through my mind.


We head to our hotel room, thankfully given early check in. The 5K started at 5pm. After finding our way to the run site - awesome hotel location. The people at Holiday Inn didn't mislead us when they told us we are directly in the backyard of the start line. We didn't fuel properly all day. Very bad, I know. So, the three of us split 2 beaver tails. Chocolate Hazelnut and Maple Sugar. Not the normal food choice of elite athletes, I know, but we had to improvise.


Off to the starting line we head. By starting line, I mean 500 meters back, at least 500 meters. The number of people, as much as I knew there were going to be a lot, astounded me.


A view of the start line from where we were

Oh ya, another red corral day!

A little inspiration will follow. I had to take a picture of this shirt design. It was worn by an entire team of 5K'ers.

Having my own attachment to angels. I could not let this opportunity pass me by. Too cute, although a bit heart wrenching too.

The city of Ottawa is a gorgeous one. I took some pictures while on the route. It was good to get out and walk around a bit without the confines of shoppers on Bank St!

Since this 5K was mostly for Pam, it was for her to set the pace. We came in over the finish line at 57:51. I was impressed with that time. It was Pam's desire to finish in less than an hour and we did! I can not come anywhere near to finding the words to express how proud I am of her. For someone to just be restarting their healthy journey, my heart swelled with pride that she did this.

Again, sharing these last couple days with both Mary and Pam couldn't have been a better way to spend an awesome weekend. Thanks girls.

After the 5K, off we went in search of supper. Real food, not crap. We ended up at Richtree Market for dinner. I say we ended up there. It was planned the entire time. It wasn't the carbs I should have had, but the roasted chicken, oven roasted potatoes, and roasted carrots and sweet potatoes were going to have to do. It is the coolest restaurant with great food. Pam and I have another road trip planned in July to Toronto and we will be eating there again. Can hardly wait.

Back to the hotel we head were we snacked on chocolate this and chocolate that with a few potato chips and fruity Ike and Mike's thrown in to watch a marathon of Criminal Minds. Nothing like a little Shemar Moore to relax a girl and ease her thoughts about a half marathon in the morning. I was as snug as a bug in bed by 11p and up at 7:15a to start my own race adventure.

It was a great weekend and a memory that I have to last a lifetime! Thanks girls for automatically jumping on board when I started this crazy journey. Pam, you for helping me (read pushing) to make the decision in the first place. I couldn't have asked for a more relaxing laid back way to run my first (maybe ever) half marathon and a 5K first for another! You girls (and Bre) are Rock Stars!