The Evolution of a Friendship
How is it to know when a friendship is no longer a friendship, but an acquaintance.
I struggle with this thought a lot. It is funny because it's all about labeling and really who cares?
You are friends with a person and you do things with them and that is great. A common ground is discovered and a friendship comes to life. That is when things are good and you're learning and discovering how best this particular friend fits and fills a need. As time passes and things change, so does the friendship. It is over time that you show a different side of yourself and a different side is seen of your friend.
Without words being spoken, you find you're no longer spending time with each other and that is okay, because the needs of the friendship are not what they once were nor are the people. As much as the people may not see their contribution or patterned behaviour it is there to be evidenced.
When something or someone comes into your life and fills a void and is no longer needed, is it wrong to not grieve that change or loss? I struggle with this too. I don't grieve it. I get annoyed with it. I feel used and tossed aside. Not tossed aside in a way that bothers me, but tossed aside in the way that I was the replacement to a previous friend of the friend. I feel that I should reach out to the friend I replaced and offer my compassion and apologies. It's a tough one. I never saw the behaviour for what it was to the first friend and now that I'm the replaced one, I see. How self absorbed am I???
What has really defined the end of a friendship and the move to acquaintance is the lack of honesty and openness. It's as though secrets are kept or life is now being compartmentalized. That is the most bothersome to me, if anything is right now. Just be honest about what you're doing. It's a small world. People share and things are learned. It is the separation and secrets that are the problem for me. These 'secrets' you keep, are suspected and to have them confirmed by someone other than the friend is just, I don't know maddening, I guess maddening fits best.
Of this, I wash my hands.
Do I sound childish? I don't intend to come across that way. I find it a difficult thing to explain without sounding like I'm 5 y.o. and taking my ball and going home!
4 comments:
You don't sound childish at all. You sound frustrated and hurt and a bit ticked off...all of which I understand.
It's not childish to realize that certain people aren't really friends, and to accept that and move on.
I *think* I know to whom you refer, but I'm not sure. I just hope it's not me. Shall I talk about you and I. We don't see each other as often as we should or want to, but despite that, we know that we are ALWAYS there for each other, can call each other at a moments notice and would drop everything if necessary, and I'm pretty darn sure I think of you as much as you think of me. THAT is a friendship. No expectations, just love, caring and appreciation for what we give to each other.
As for the evolution of a friendship to an aquaintance, btdt. It's sad. I've been on both ends (I think) mostly being an army brat, my friends were often ripped from my life at a moments notice and as much as I've tried or the friend has tried, it just didn't work anymore. I have one friend I've known since grade 6, she was considered a best friend but eventually our lifestyles became very different and we drifted. We still talk, but I couldn't tell you much about her life. Another I've known since I was 9, and here we are still extremely close and I consider her a sister. I see her about 3x a year,but I know all about her life etc...
Tammy, I think you will just know. Don't put any more effort into it. You are one of the most incredible people I know and you pour your heart out to everyone, don't let her take advantage of your gentle heart and caring friendship. It's just not worth it.
Post a Comment