Friday, October 26, 2007

Oh Lukcy Me

It has been quite some time since I've done a post about me. I'm usually going on about my stitching, my weight or a book I've read. There are other things in my life, if you can believe it. Things that make me so incredibly happy.

I find I'm very much more in tune with my feelings and thoughts over the last couple years. I no longer live on auto remote, but more aware of what goes on around me. I've yet to decide if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Regardless, I'm happy so that is a major improvement and something that I cherish deeply.

My life is still full and busy. I don't know where to find the time to get things accomplished, as well as meeting all the demands and needs of those around me. I struggle daily to find balance between my personal needs to those of what is required of me at home. I'm not home near as much as I should be, but that is slowly changing and I'm home a little more frequently. My time with Todd isn't as much in quantity as it once was, but things are still good. Now that being said, I'm not sure when I'm going to lay eyes on him again, probably somewhere close to a week. It is painful, but such as things are right now!

The juggle of time and schedules that I do to spend time with T is worth it in the end. I'm still very much in awe of how happy I am with him, not to say things are perfect. There will always be an issue of some sort in any relationship. There is this sense of freedom, peace and strength I get from this relationship. I'm not perfect, nor do I expect perfection from him, but this is as close to heavenly as I've ever been, as far as a relationship goes. Being in a long term relationship and to see it end is painful and not something I would wish on anyone, but the pay off for me personally has been huge. I couldn't be happier and it stems from some major personal growth on my part and being able to share in the simple day to day life of him. I find one of my biggest thrills is to see a smile on his face. How is it a smile on his face can bring a quickening of my heart (no lies or exaggeration there)? I'm still in awe of the simplicity and depth of how I feel for him and how I feel when I'm with him. There are times that leaving and coming home (a place I truly love to be) is painful and more difficult than I can understand.

Lily has gotten her first job this past week. That is going to make me crazy busy and really cut into 'me' (translation - Todd) time, but I know that is the gift and burden of a single parent. The alternative is not near as pretty and I'll take being a single parent taxi cab to the alternative any day. I can't believe how much Lily has grown lately. To think my baby girl has her first job is 'WOW' to me! I hope she enjoys her job and learns the true value of a dollar.

Anyway, nothing much else going on in my life at the moment. Just some special feelings for a special someone. I walk around with a sweet smile and a gentleness in my heart that I thought was long exhausted and gone. Oh, lucky me it's not!

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