Contented Sigh

I made mention in my previous post about my life being at a place where I am content. I'm so much more than content. Aside from my worries about my daughter's pregnancy, I'm so incredibly happy.

My life hasn't always been what it is today. I was in a marriage that I thought was going to last forever. Who doesn't think that when they get married? After many years, some good, some great, and some just downright awful, the marriage ended. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I felt, as I'm sure many do, when something such as marriage ends, you'll never feel normal or happy again. It's a way of coping and healing.

What I thought was a good marriage turned out to be a mess. I look back now and see the dysfunction for what it was. It wasn't all bad, but there was so much of me I couldn't be. I was constantly striving to be what he wanted. What he wanted wasn't me and that much and so much more is evident by the cheating and the disrespect shown over the final years of our life together. That was tough. I'll never say otherwise, but I am certain of one thing. I would do it all over again if it put me where I am today.

Today, I share my life with the most wonderful man. I am more blessed than I sometimes think I deserve. The life that Cute Boy and I live is pretty charmed. I don't mean charmed in the lots of money, fine dining, exotic trips and all that glitz and glamour, but charmed in a way that each and every day I see my life as a blessing. My life with him, a blessing.

The life I live with him is one that shows me laughter, friendship and the most incredible support and understanding I could ever find. As with any relationship, he and I have had our ups and downs. From those early days when you're a huge grin knowing you're going to be spending time together while still in that honeymoon phase, to the points of moving in together and all the adjustments that entails. Wondering at that point, between the settling in to this new living arrangement and the fighting if we've made the right choice. Are we right for each other? Should we have moved in together? Have we made a mistake?

It has been a crazy year and not one I would want to relive, although I can see a different side to my relationship. You can add that to the rest of the lessons learned over the past couple months. I am so content and at peace with where I am and how I got here. I've said to Cute Boy in the past, 'I would take every tear and heartache all over again, if it were to put me here with you'. I meant it when I said it the first time and I think it holds true more and more as we face each hurdle together.

From a few short months ago, spiralling in to a depression, fearful of the future and struggling to get out to bed, to now being excited to see what life brings me each and every day, is quite a feeling. To share that excitement each day with Cute Boy is priceless.

***This post started out in my head completely different than how it hit the blog. I'm not certain I did justice to what I was really trying to say.

Tribute to Turtles and Me

Taking their home with them wherever they go, Turtles remind us to remember our roots while still welcoming new places and phases in life.
They teach us to appreciate life's simple, true necessities; shelter, food, drink and most importantly, faith.
The Turtle's slow gait requires the animal to have faith that it will eventually get where it is going and that the needs will be satisfied along the way. ~ From ancient American Indian Philosophy

I like the idea behind this and for the most part, think it very much represents who I am and things that are important to me.

The turtle I used to be and the turtle I am now are very different, although I must say they are both represented in the person I am today. Turtling is what I used to do when in tremendous pain and heartache and I was dubbed with a 'TT' nickname, that I now love. It has been quite the journey for me from the turtle of yesterday to the turtle of today and one I'm glad I was able to travel. What started out as a very sad day and life path has turned in to the most beautiful and exciting time of my life. I couldn't be happier and more thankful for the heartache that put me right here right now.

I will be forever tied to the turtle and in the most personal of ways, since I now sport a turtle tattoo on my left wrist, bottom side. It is sitting just at the spot that you place two fingers to take a pulse, which was chosen for that exact reason. This turtle is a symbol of my life in the simplest of ways - life!

Thanks Zeena for the reminder of why I love turtles and the special place they hold in my heart. All this from a little e-mail about a very unique pair of stitching scissors. Isn't life funny like that?!

I Dream A Little Dream

This is probably one of my favorite pictures ever. It has taken me a while to get a copy of this photo, but I finally have it. Thank you, Todd. This picture was taken last year by Todd's oldest daughter, the daughter that aspires to be a photographer. From this photo I think she has some talent, I really hope she follows it up. It is a picture from her Aunt and Uncle's sun room looking out on the St. Lawrence River.

Todd and I, along with his girls went to visit his sister and her family (love them) last Christmas and it was awesome. I fell in love with their house, and not just because it is beautiful, it is, but because of the people and the way they make you feel - at home and welcome. The view in this picture is what I woke up to, with tea in hand and a book, out to the sun room, I head. It was heaven and a place and way of life I could get very comfortable with. Funny eh?

I lack the words to do this picture or the feelings it inspires justice. I just know when life gets like it will sometimes I escape to this place in my mind. It is a gift of immeasurable worth. Does it get any better than this?

The Dog Days of Summer

I'm going to start this entry and just let it fly, not sensor my thoughts but to let it just come from the heart!

I had the most wonderful weekend. I've had many over the last year, but this one was just too awesome.

Cute Boy worked days and I was on evenings on Saturday and off Sunday. I spent Saturday shopping with Cute Boy's daughters. It always seems I follow up with "it would have only been better if Lily were with us". This time is no different! Princess didn't come with us which is too bad. It was a total girl day and one she would have really enjoyed. The girls told me they don't get to shop very often, which in my way of life, believe that is a crime. I have never heard 'Tammy! Tammy! Look at this!, What do you think about this?, Would this work? Tammy! Tammy!" so many times in my life! It was hilarious. I watched Cute Boy's oldest daughter stretch a dollar like nothing else. I was and still am very proud of her. Cute Boy and I parent as differently as any two human beings could, so this shopping trip was just that - a trip. The girls would show me a skirt not much bigger than a tissue and I would just look they knew - Dad will kill one of us, back went the skirt to the rack.

The girls and I picked up Queenie and she hung out with us for a bit. We all headed back to Cute Boy's for a swim after working up a sweat. Being a fashionista is hard work, ya know. I got a small jump on back to school shopping: adorable skirt for Princess and a pair of crazy comfortable looking pants for Queenie. Oh the back to school shopping fun begins.

Sunday was a day of dreams for me. Cute Boy, myself and the three girls were invited to a family barbecue at Cute Boy's sister's home. I love being around his family. They are some of the most incredible people I've ever the honour of meeting. You would never know in a million years that they haven't known me as long as that. They love each other and you can see it in most everything they do with and for each other. The way they treat me is awesome, but the best part for me, is the way they are with Princess. Watching her open up slowly, but open up just the same, around them over time is just the greatest. Princess gravitates to Cute Boy's one neice. I see a lot of Cute Boy's neice in the person I think Princess will grow to become.

I had the absolute best day and know it is days like this recent one that show me just how blessed I am. You can not ask for more than being in a place that brings you joy and peace. That is exactly the kind of day I just lived. I'm still feeling the after glow.

In closing I steal from another blogger, Susan:

Thank for sharing a perfect summer day with me.

Peace and Contentment

Do you ever wake up and know that the day is going to be a good one? For no particular reason you have a sense of peace? I'm a morning person, so waking up in a good mood is nothing new to me, but this is different.

I woke up this morning and felt awesome. I can't pinpoint what exactly is making me feel this way. Nothing in life has changed since I went to bed last night. Slept like crap to the point that I was up reading a book at 1:30AM. The stresses and issues are still present, if not more so this coming week.

I'm going away on the weekend (sorry Wee Krista) and it could be that I'm looking forward to that, although I don't think thats it either. I've been looking forward to this trip for a while now.

I don't know why I have this feeling and at this point I don't care. I have it, it's mine and I'm going to love it while I have it. Who knows what the next minute, hour or day will bring, so I shall enjoy this feeling and deal with whatever comes my way, good, bad or otherwise.