Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Heavy Hearted Moment

When you're tired and working on less that 7 hours sleep in 2 days, you should do what you can to avoid things that are emotional and difficult. Working on less than 7 hours sleep in 2 days, is in no way smart. It is not good for you. It's especially not good for your heart or your emotional handle on things you can normal deal with in a manner of strength and not as a blubbering maniac.

I got out of work early today to do a bank thing for Cute Boy (new truck comin' - ya). That was fine. Since I was in the neighbourhood, I thought I'd check up on Princess and see if she was at work so I could pop in and see her. Her not living at home obviously limits our time together. She was shocked at that in the beginning, but has gotten used to it, or it seems anyway.

Princess has 2 jobs and I expected her to be at the job closest to where I was, but unfortunately she was at her job a bit further down the road, not far, but more of a hassle for me to get to at 5pm. Traffic joys? You wanna bet. I communicated via text messaging that I would pop by the close job, but not deal with the traffic to the farther job. The whole time talking to Princess she had told me she was outside her work waiting for me. It was a tough thing to tell her I wouldn't be driving down to her job to see her. It was too close to her start time and I'd never make it in traffic. So, I headed towards home or so I thought. I just automatically got in the lane that would spin me around and take me to her job.

I drive in to the parking lot and there she is in the window, looking out. I thought telling her I wouldn't be popping by to see her, was tough. This was so much tougher. You know how people say, "It was like getting punched in the gut". Well, this was just like that. She had this expression on her face that just hurt so much.

I didn't stay long, but seeing her felt good. I think it felt good. It hurt like hell. I cried all the way home and then stood in the kitchen and sobbed to Cute Boy. I know a lot of Princess' decisions are of her own making and she has to do what she has to do, even if that is not what is best for her future or her safety or health. I can only do so much. I have to step back and watch this unfold. It hurts like hell. I know I've already said that, but it's the only thing that really seems to fit.

I'm putting this day to bed!

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