Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Balancing Act

Blog News
First off, I'm having issues. What????? Me???? Issues??? No, really, I am. If you are the owner of a blog that has multiple posting options (live journal, blogger, ID something or other) I can't comment on your blog. Graciela, Velda, 20somethingfatty, I can't post. I'm reading everything you write, but I can't comment. My computer screen comes up with an error code "error on page". At first, I thought it was my work server putting up a soft firewall, but I've tried to comment from home and it's doing the same thing. I'm so sorry for not offering up support. I feel like I'm being cut off from my family. If you want to e-mail me your address I can e-mail me your comments. Big hugs to those of you that haven't heard from me lately. I'm still rooting for you, in all that you do!

Queenie is still planning on moving back to Cobourg She has hit a bump in the road courtesy of her father. He is juvenile in his thoughts and more so in his actions. His actions are again affecting how she is feeling about moving there.

Cute Boy and I are of two minds about her moving to Cobourg. It's good. It's not so good. It is her life though and she needs to live it. All we can do is support her decisions to the best of our ability and be available to her in the event she needs us. Isn't that the job of a parent anyway?

She is still not at home. That is tough! No if, ands or buts about it. I don't like the idea of her not living at home, but she needs to figure some things out for herself. I have to step aside and realize no amount of crying or coddling is going to bring her home. It isn't that I don't want her in our home and being cared for by me or Cute Boy, for that matter. I just will not allow myself to feel the hurt of asking her to come home and getting the "No". The emotional cost is too high for me. It's not pride. It's trying to protect my emotional state and my heart from further hurt.

Cute Boy
We are great and that is no small miracle. Any long time reader will know that we struggle in our life, in our ability to communicate from time to time. I hate those times more than mere words can convey. As much as I dislike those times, I'm starting to learn a lot from them. The lessons learned are many and not lost on me.

What I've learned in the last couple months is that Cute Boy is amazing and just what I need in my life. I've always thought he is amazing, now I know he's amazing for me. He offers support, love and understanding. There are so many times that I come here and dump my negative and don't give him enough credit in the good that he represents to me. That is the balance that I strive for in my day to day life.

I love the strength he shows. I love the strength he sees in me that I don't always see. I love the uncompromising morals. I don't always like when they don't lie in place with my own, but I appreciate the conviction of his beliefs. I love the conversations we are having lately. They do my heart and head good. I love the easy flow that we have right now. I love the sense of commitment and dedication of making our day to day life better for both of us. In the swirl of craziness it is comforting to know I'm blessed with the presence of Cute Boy not only now when life is good between us, but everyday!

There are other thoughts dancing in my head, but I'll keep them there for now for fear of truly and completely falling apart.

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