Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Anniversary of Sorts

Today marks the 4 year anniversary of my split from FN. What a 4 years it has been.

There has been so much that has happened as a result of my separation. I would like to be able to say DIVORCE since FN is 'married' to someone else, but the sad disgusting truth is we are still married. I hate it and if not for what seems to me, the compromising of my beliefs and allowing him to go unaccountable for his responsibilities, I'd be divorced by now.

That is all I will say about that. This post is about celebrating the good in my life because of my life experiences, and that separation was a major life experience.

Cute Boy is first and foremost in my thoughts when I think about the good that has come of my new life post break up. I have never admitted this on my blog before and to very few people in my real life. I never admitted it to anyone, until after I did to Cute Boy. I'm a very loyal relationship partner, and by that I mean I'm not a cheater! I'm not a physical cheater nor an emotional cheater. I just have to get that out there, I guess to clear my own conscience. Some of you may be aware that Cute Boy and I had known each other for about 11 years prior to entering in to this relationship. Even while married, I was drawn to him. It was only through the summer (baseball) that I would see him, but I was always content when talking to him and it was something I would look forward to. When I would get to ball and he'd not be there I'd be disappointed. The first year I played ball after my marriage fell apart, it was because of being able to see Cute Boy, that I played. I'm so glad I did. I've always loved the people on my ball team, and now I REALLY love a person on my ball team. How cool is that? All because of ball and him taking a leap of faith asking me out. There is a long story about him asking me out. I should share it one day. There is a woman that both, Cute Boy and I adore that was instrumental in him asking me out. She too, has a special place in my heart! Thank you Traci!!!

There have been some not so good to come of my life taking a different turn. I don't think for a minute it's all about me, those negative happenings. That realization comes thanks to counseling and having very sound advice given by people that love me to the ends of the earth and back, specifically Velda, just today in fact!

I've been blessed in the last 4 years with the support of some amazing people. You make what I do each day easier. You give of yourself unconditionally and in a way that fits my needs when I need them. I'm truly blessed.

So, those early days of my separation, filled with not knowing, the fear, the blame, the hurt and the sense of failure where all for good. I am stronger because of every experience. I am in a place different than what I envisioned for my life, but I place I am proud to call my own. I like who I am and I like where I'm headed. I love in a way that I wasn't sure I could again. I love with a simplicity of ease and comfort. My life isn't always an easy one, but it's not one I would change for anything! I have told Cute Boy before and I tell him again, if he reads this entry and will continue to tell him - I wouldn't change a single tear or hurt if it kept me from being where I am right now with you!


Post a Comment