Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's The Small Things

My entry of today still sticks. I'm reeling. By all outward appearances you'd never know anything was bothering me. Inside, I'm a mess, although I can not, will not, be defined by the things that happen around me and things I can not control.

I realized today that I'm surrounded by such sweet goodness and I am truly blessed. I am blessed with the love of a man I absolutely adore and who, at times I don't give the credit he deserves. The way I deal with my hurts, is to shut down. Normally I'm just left to the quiet roar of my thoughts. Today was different. Today showed me sweet understanding, compassion and support.

I am strong. I have no choice. My life hasn't always been an easy one, so I've been forced to grow up faster than I would want for my own children, but I'm thankful for my past, for my life experiences. It is what makes me who I am today. What I learned today is I don't have to be strong alone. I have someone that will be here for me when I am in real need. I am still strong and I could get through whatever life throws at me and leaning on another person doesn't make me weak. It makes me honest. It makes me vulnerable. That is a scary thing, although I know I'm in a safe place. A place that is good for me.

In the face of all my deepest fears, I want to be able to deal with how scared I am and still find the wonder in the small things. Things that would normally be overlooked as insignificant should be noticed. Fears need to be faced. Joys need to be appreciated and acknowledged.

My heart may be battered and bruised, but I am not broken. This too shall pass and I shall see the wonder through the struggle.

Thank you, Cute Boy. You are amazing. You are incredible. You are my sweet wonderful love. You bless my life in a way I never expected. Life isn't always easy, but you (we) are worth every challenge and struggle. I am so thankful for you in my life. In your hands is my heart.

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