Thursday, October 22, 2009

Blessed Am I

Today has been quite the day, I'm telling you.

I had my final appointment with regards to my relationship issues. I can not tell you the difference I feel about things. It is so refreshing to have an unbiased opinion to hear me out and help me figure out why I may feel the way I do or why I'm affected by certain things and not others.

My life has been hectic lately as you can well imagine. Cute Boy and I have had barely more than a minute together this week. I've worked 2 shifts at my part time job and full time at my full time job. Factor in Cute Boy's hours and that makes for a very long week. He and I were able to talk to each other a bit today. There are things swirling around our house and life that I've not discussed here, nor will I until I'm certain one way or the other in regards to what may or may not happen.

This talk that he and I had was amazing. The comfort and understanding I'm getting from him right now is worth so much more than money or fine diamonds. It is as though in the last few months we have come to a point in our relationship that I can just 'be' with him. It is wonderful. If I were facing the things that I am and didn't feel or know that I have him in my corner, I'd be lost. I truly am blessed for his love, support and understanding.

In my appointment today, of course, I talked about my relationship and the support given to me as I'm dealing with Velda's illness, my own fears and concerns. I feel so selfish when I say I don't know how I'm going to deal with my life if/when something happens to her. She is such a rock in my world. I've said it before I don't mind saying it again. She is my safe place. Never to be judged, just loved and appreciated for who I am and what I bring to our relationship. I truly am again, a blessed woman!

When my appointment was over (my last relationship issue appointment), my counselor looked at me and said, "I'm concerned about you and I'm going to refile your paperwork so you can come back and deal with your feelings about Velda". I'm so grateful. I really like this woman, not just because she has offered me an opportunity to come back, but because she's hard, but soft. She is thoughtful, but makes me think for myself. She is just what I need when I need it. I said as much to her. I stated that this would be my last relationship appointment and now mine and Cute Boy's relationship is better than ever, that I spend 45 minutes talking about Velda, my heartache and worry. My counselor responded, "Maybe you were in that place in your relationship to get to the point where you are able to deal with new challenge in your life". I love that reasoning. Not that I want to have to be dealing with Velda being sick, but that my counselor sees a connection in things and that life is all connected to one event leading to another. I laughed out loud at her and said Velda is going to love that when I tell her! She did too! I couldn't imagine if my relationship were a mess and I was still dealing with my fears.

I am blessed beyond words. It is funny because I'm able to see that not all things are perfect in my life, but I can still find happiness. Now, to deal with the issues I've yet to speak of. I'm hopeful, but realistic in my expectations. Only time will tell.

Thank you for always being here for me and commenting when you can. It means the world to me. If it weren't for being able to post at work, I'd never be on. I apologize to those who have seen my number of comments drop. I'm still thinking of you!

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