Friday, June 05, 2009

It'll Be Random

Do you ever just have one of those days?

It starts off great - I'm alive.

I weigh in - why bother?

I get my coffee and out to the deck I go with coffee and my book. It has been this way all week. Couldn't ask for more in that regard.

I decide to try and do the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Things are finally set up for me downstairs so that I can give it a whirl. This being a non-run day, I thought I'd have a date with a sexy hot gorgeous woman. Not to be. I can't navigate the DVD menu without the remote. AUGHHHHHH!!!!!

I want to give a shout out to my WEE Krista. You don't suck! You're awesomeness extraordinaire! I thank you for your support, your shoulder and your friendship. I was in a hole this morning and you tied your rope around me and pulled me out! I thank you! I thank you! I thank you!

This post is all over the map. I'm all over the map. Sometimes, I swear I'm manic!

I wonder why I can't find peace with my body and my current state of being? I know I shouldn't be comparing the physical me of before to the me of today. It's the most difficult thing for me to grasp. I was sooooo successful before, but I was in the gym all the time. Was that good? I'm not sure? Was I happy? I think so! Was I proud of myself? Absolutely! That I'm not reaching that level of commitment and intensity now, disappoints me.

I know I'm too hard on myself at times and I work towards changing that, but old habits die hard. I don't know why I do this to myself, I just do.

I want to find balance in my life. Financially, emotionally and physically. The only way for me to do that is keep working forward. Keep questioning my motives. Keep on with the discovery of why I do what I do. In all that, I also need to find the time to just be. I'm working on that this past week while on my deck with coffee in hand and book in lap while peeking looks at my lovely little dog loving life on the deck with her mommy. That is some balance right?

I told you it would be random!

I'm outtta here to see what other kind of trouble I can get in to today since Jillian and I couldn't hook up!

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