Thursday, April 23, 2009

Why Do I Do What I Do?

That would be the brick wall that is currently being used as an object of unlimited pain. I've been beating my head against it since my appointment with the plastic surgeon.

I've tried letting go of the dream and it's not working. I know many have said that it may come at another time for me. I'm trying to keep that in mind, but it's a challenge. Since the appointment I've been even more obsessed and I'm not doing a good job at all of letting go. I've called the surgeon's office to get a breakdown of the cost, which follows

Implant Fee - 1800.00
Doctor's Fee - 3000.00
Anaesthetic - 425.00
Hospital Services - 900.00 (4-6 weeks post op)
Total Price $6125.

Talking to the surgeon's secretary, she advised me to call my insurance company to see if there is any part of the fees they would cover. I know better. Of course, they don't cover any part of it.

When talking with the receptionist she told me if I make my decision in the next couple days she could schedule me in for the end of June! Seriously??? It is good to be informed, I know. It is bad to be too informed.

My biggest worry is that I'm starting to be overly obsessive about this. I cry easily at the thoughts of what could have been. I don't often do 'what ifs', although right now, you'd not know that. Last night I went home and I was the only one there and I find myself filling up a baggie with salt to do the measurement to see what CC is best for my body size. I'm walking around the house with salt bags in my workout shirt and crying. Okay, holy shit, get a grip already!

Anyway, that is my most recent update to where I am mentally with my girls!

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