Sunday, October 12, 2008

Mental Update

I've taken a few days to be with my thoughts and try to process things. As much as I have taken the time I needed I'm no closer to a finding a better mental place. I'm feeling equally as despondent today as I was earlier in the week.

The fear still resides deep inside and the questions are screaming louder and louder. I don't want to come across as a total drama queen, but the mood is dire and the feelings are overwhelming. I'm trying to find the wonder in the little things although that is a difficult

There are heavy life altering events swirling around me that indirectly affect me. I'm trying to find the positive in these events, but if I've been challenged this would be the time! I do not want to stand in judgement, but I know myself and I know myself very well. I will struggle with this one for a very long time.

The house is progressing and I'm glad because that brings me one day closer to be finished. I am NOT having fun. The tear-filled moments of frustration far out number the moments of joy and happiness. If only I'd known...

I've been giving some thought these last few days about my life and how I live it. I worry a great deal about Princess and her health. I don't do right by her with her food decisions (vegetarian), so I've decided to try and help her eat better, I'm going to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle myself. I'm not doing it for any reason other than ease of food preparation and concern for Princess. I like meat and will miss it some times, but I want to do everything I can for her, and if giving up meat is something that may help, I will. There are many days that I will be eating without her, so I can choose meat meals then, but right now I think this is the best decision for us both. She's excited about it. That right there is payoff enough.

I know my countdown for joining Weight Watcher's is this coming Friday, but I just can not do it right now. I'm financially stretched to the limit. That small fact of life is probably not helping in the grand scheme of my deteriorating sanity. I'm trying to make healthy choices and they are paying off because the scale is going down. I had a successful food weekend at Cute Boy's sister's Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't over do it and only had 3 glasses of wine and a ceasar. That wasn't all in one sitting, but over the course of several hours. It was a good food weekend for me!

I think that's all! I'm hoping to be back to normal sooner rather than later.

Love you bunches.

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