Friday, December 07, 2007

Emptying My Head

My head is all over the place this morning, so I'm not sure how much sense I'll be able to make of this post.

Things in life are a combination of good bad and everything between right now. My personal life is in an awesome place, my finances are atrocious. The situation with my husband (should be ex husband by now) are, oh just soooo awesome-not! He is trying to financially sink me and if I don't play my cards smart or at least smarter than I've been he will surely succeed. I'm worried to death about my oldest daughter that is out there in the world trying to make it on her own, but is struggling mightily! I don't know what to do about it or her. Short of hog tying her and dragging her home, there really isn't much I can do. Sit back and watch is what I have to do at this point.

Lily, my youngest (14 y.o.) seems to be in a great place and for that I'm happy. She has done some amazing things lately for which I'm very proud. She bought me my Keith Urban tickets for which I'm very pleased and so excited to do with her. I'm thankful for the gift, but it is the bigger picture that really touches me. Her generosity is second to none and I say this in complete acceptance of the fact that this little girl is a princess through and through. She loves things and wants things, but she is putting her wants and needs aside to give to others. I can't even begin to tell you the pride I feel when thinking of her and her actions.

Alyssa, my oldest (16 y.o.) is a different story. I am very proud of her, but for completely different reasons. She isn't in a place where I would like her to be, nor probably a place she wants to be either, but she is rising to the challenge she's created for herself and doing the best she can with what she has in front of her. I couldn't ask for more. These last few months have been difficult for her and for me, but she is showing such personal growth. It is a proud moment to know, I may have had a hand in some of the troubles facing my daughter, but I raised a very strong, independent thinking young woman.

Now on to my own issues; my weight. I've gained a wee bit this week, but I'm good with it. I ate as if every day were my last day on earth this past week. I had an epiphany moment yesterday and it wasn't a pretty happening if I do say so myself. I use to be very much a stickler for numbers, still am to a certain extent, but as far as clothing I've moved on from that but not completely which was apparent by my episode yesterday. I went shopping for new dress pants to wear to Christmas dinner at Todd's sister's house in a couple weeks. I took in sizes ranging from 3 to 7 since I've never bought pants in this particular store before. Well, lo and behold, I fit best in the 7's. I could have managed with a 5, but if I gained anything more than a pound I'd be in trouble, so what is the point of that. You must be wondering now what is the point of this little story. My point to this and my epiphany moment is that I have to be more diligent in my weight loss efforts. Not because of my clothing number, but because I'm carrying a lot of flab in my midsection and up towards my breasts. It was upsetting to see this, when at one time I'm was 'cutting in' at my abs and now it seems all I'm 'cutting' is cake! I know I can do this I just have to find the will power and the drive, okay maybe a bit extra time wouldn't hurt too. In all seriousness I'm worth the effort and that is the bottom line!

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