Monday, November 27, 2006

Taking Back My Brave

In true typical fashion I'm back with song lyrics that can say so much better what I feel than anything else. I'm scared to death of the loss I feel as I fight to maintain my strength and hold on, without snuffing out what is important to me.

The highlighted lyrics are what screamed out and caught my attention. I'm simple girl really, with simple desires and needs. I ask not for much, but maybe too much. Who knows.

Taking Back My Brave ~ Carolyn Dawn Johnson
I am from a tiny town
Where I learned how to tough it out
Where I kicked the dirt and my dreams around
To conquer the whole world
My uncle slipped me fifty bucks
Some rolled there eyes and wished me luck
Yeah I spent the first night in the cab of my truck
And I am still that girl

I like a challenge, I like to fly
I'm not always perfect, I'm not always right
When I go to weddings
It always makes me cry
My heart is fragile, and I can be hurt
I can crumble inside at the drop of a word
But I can jump off a limb
Into a river of change
I'm taking back my brave

I kinda lost it for awhile
Had to force myself to smile
I quit going that extra mile
Abandoned my belief
And I spent hours on the phone
Crawling back to my comfort zone


Then I woke up one day and said I'm not running home
It's just not like me cause…

I like a challenge, I like to fly
I'm not always perfect, I'm not always right
Newborn babies always make me cry
My heart is fragile, and I can be hurt
I can crumble inside at the drop of a word
But I can jump off a limb
Into a river of change
I'm taking back my brave

I'm my momma's only girl
The child in the middle
I've been pushing the limits
Since I was little…..yeah

I've been told I think too much and that is probably true. How do I stop it? I wish I could. I think I create more problems in my head than actually exist. I've lived in such a state of always having to be 'on' that I seem to have developed a constant state of worry.

I've had so much loss in my life (death and estrangements) I don't expect people to stick around. I expect them to walk away when the going gets tough and I see that is exactly the way it works for some. It's what I know it's what I've come to expect! I will do what I can to fight the constant questioning, live for today, embrace the time I have with those I love and if tomorrow never comes know in my heart, I loved to the best of my ability and gave nothing more than all I had to give.

With that, I'm Taking Back My Brave! I may soar, I may stumble, I may outright fall, but I will do what I can to make the most of every day! On the difficult days, of that I'm sure there will be, I will come back to this entry and try and pull the strength from it!

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