Wednesday, November 01, 2006

To Stand or To Fall?

Lately I've noticed music is playing more and more a factor in my life. It is representative of a lot things for me and over the last year I'd have not gotten through tough times if not for some very good friends and along with those friends, music.

I'm sitting here at work. The dead of night and the racing of my thoughts will not stop. I'm struggling with things which is the point of my life right now. I'm so close, or so I think, to true, honest heartfelt happiness and I'm afraid of losing it all. I'm afraid of losing my kids, their appreciation, respect of others, a man I've come to care for more deeply than I think even he is aware.

On the radio comes this song. The lyrics don't fit my life exactly, but the message is simple. I'm moving on. I can no longer be controlled by someone no longer in my life. Thankfully no longer in my life for I wouldn't be where I am so desperately content and happy if I could be left to enjoy it for one minute... one minute is all I ask. I just have to be strong enough to take the stand and hold my ground. I hope I'm doing the right thing and I don't lose it all, and I mean all when I say 'all'. What is the cost of being true to yourself? Is the cost too high to take the stand or is the cost too high to not? Is it selling out yourself if you don't hold true to what you know is right? Take the hit from the one doing the hitting? When will the hitting end? Today? Unlikely. Tomorrow? I think not! Ever? Probably never!

"I'm Moving On"

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

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