Christmas From My Rearview Mirror

Now that the wonder of the Christmas season is over, I'm left with thoughts of Christmases past.

There have been so many different types of Christmases that I've lived. Some good, some sad and some just.

The most colourful Christmas I can remember, but do I really remember it or just remember what I saw in pictures? I remember the Christmas I was given my little couch and chair set from my grandparents. It was the cutest couch and chair set. It was magical!

The Christmas I spent the night at my Aunt's house and celebrated with their family because both of my parents were working. That was a weird feeling. I can still remember the loneliness of laying on the couch looking at the stockings hung on the wrought iron railings. It was was very generous of my Aunt to have me spend the night, but it just wasn't home. You know?

There was the Christmas that I spent in the hospital with my mother. I slept on a cot in her hospital bed. That was just the most heartbreaking feeling ever! I remember laying there for the longest time listening to her trachea tube wheezing noise and silent tears rolling down my face. I was blessed in the sense of being with my mother and hopefully offsetting some of her loneliness, but it was a sad place to be. If it was sad for me, what must it have been like for her?

The Christmas following this one, was gifts from my dad sitting on the couch. I woke up and there the gifts were on the couch. No tree, no wrap. Just gifts. He had to work and that was his efforts for Christmas that year.

Many Christmases after that were spent with my in-laws before the arrival of my daughters. It was after the girls arrived that I found Christmas took on a whole new kind of magic. There is something magical about viewing Christmas through the eyes of a child. It was being 'Santa' for me that I fell in love with Christmas and the spirit of giving.

The last 2 Christmases have been a bit unorthodox as far as what I have come to expect of the holidays and with my prolific past of unorthodox Christmases, that is really saying something. I've spent the last two Christmases without my children and it sucks!

As much as Christmas is about being with the people you love, I've been blessed with that again this year. It was Cute Boy and I alone on Christmas morning. Not what I'm used to, but precious in it's own right. Leading up to Christmas Day, one could say I was moody, edgy, tear-filled and downright irritable. Not to be dishonest, but it was all kept from Cute Boy. He has and does help me through every single difficult thing I encounter, but I didn't want him paying the price for something that is not his fault. My concern and anxiety turned out to be all for not. I am getting used to things not being how I expect them to be, but good nonetheless. It was a beautiful Christmas morning with the man I adore and cherish. It has become our own special time now. Things may not be how I envisioned them, but some of the best things in life are those that aren't planned.

A New Beginning Of Sorts

It's all over but the crying. There has been any crying yet.

Christmas Eve has been celebrated, Christmas gifts given, dinner consumed and the exodus of the loved ones.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were wonderful. I was apprehensive about how it was all going to work out, but to be completely honest it was wonderful. It really did feel like Christmas Day while we were celebrating. To make it even more perfect it snowed such a pretty light snow. We loved it!

Princess stayed the last 2 nights at the house which was awesome. It felt great having her around the house again. I was concerned she'd feel uncomfortable, but it didn't seem to me as though she did. I hope she didn't. She was a great help in the kitchen and preparations while Queenie uploaded music to my brand spankin' new ipod, my gift from the girls. Lovin' it already!!! It has the coolest little clip rather having to fuss with those damn armband thingies. The ipod is going to come in super handy in the next couple months. More on that later!

Everyone was up early today. Princess got off to school and straightened some things out on that front. One more day and she is out of school for the holidays. Cute Boy and I were off to take Queenie back up to Cobourg. That was tough, but not as tough as I expected. I really believe it is the best place for her, so off she goes. I may notice the quiet in the next little while, but not right now. There is too much going on for me to notice. It was times when I was as busy as I am going to be in the next couple days that I always felt negligent. It will be after the rush of the holidays that I notice more that my girls are no longer living at home. I will deal with the quiet the only way I know how and that is by keeping busy and occupying my mind.

I find that my life is always a series of time consuming demands. I'm hoping to be able to slow things down some and find some time for me. Spending some quiet time with Cute Boy is high on the list too. Never far from my thoughts, but not enough time given, is to Velda. I am really looking forward to finding some time for her and I to just sit quiet and catch up with each other. Avoiding my fears and concerns is not going to make my fear and concern any easier to deal with, so now its time for the big girl panties to be donned and that's that!

I do have some things I'm working on or will be working on over the next couple months. There will not be a lot of talk about it, but it will keep me away from the computer, so as is the norm now, most of my posts will come from work which is why I'm so lacking in pretty pictures.

Until next time. Be good to yourself and take a little time for YOU today!

Christmas With My Cuties

Clipart stolen from from Krista

Isn't she just the cutest clipart ever?!

Last night was my Christmas with my daughters and it couldn't have been better, maybe longer, but definitely not better. Other than just not enough time with them, it was wonderful to be with them.

I will briefly touch on the reasons for the short amount of time, only to lay the groundwork for how the time turned out how it did. As you may be aware my ex-husband (LOL) lives 1.5 hours away from here. Now the Queenie is living with her dad, Princess wanted to be with her, so she is spending Christmas day at her dad's. So, he had to come down to pick her up since I've yet to offer to drive her there. In coming to town to pick up Princess, he brought Queenie with him to celebrate Christmas with me. He originally wanted to give us 20 minutes while he sat in the parking lot. If that was all I could get, it would have had to be be enough for me. As it is, I was with the girls from 4:50-6:30 or so. I was to have them back to him by 6p, but I ran late. Ooops! I wanted to have them back on time since he never plays by the rules, I wanted to set an example, but it didn't happen. In true typical fashion, I'm more disappointed in myself for not holding the bar to the height I expect in return.

So, bring on the dismantling of gifts wrapped so pretty and glittery! Due to our limited time the hugs and kisses were fast paced as the wrapping paper flew. I do believe at one point we lost the dog under the mound of discarded wrap. Too funny. This was not a Christmas of my memories, but a memory filled Christmas just the same.

The girls were so excited for us to be together. I think today, as I sit here and file my memories of last night that is what touches me most. The excitement. Life has changed so much for all of us in the last little while and to see little girl excitement again is heart warming.

I do not want to appear unappreciative of my gift from the girls, which is an uber cool Sony mp3 player for when I restart at the gym next week. I am truly the richest of people to be blessed with the love of the most amazing young women. That is worth more than any store bought bauble.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Tweet Tweet!

Feeling very bird-like at the the moment.

Thanks to a conversation I recently had with Cute Boy in regards to the upcoming celebration of Christmas Day without my daughters, I've been forced to think of my life in view of how it will be when Princess is off living her own life. Cute Boy said to me, "So, you're really going to suffer the empty nest syndrome when Princess is no longer home with you".... ummmmm, ya! I hadn't ever thought of it before, but that is going to be a major challenge for me. I'm not looking forward to it one bit! I certainly hope Cute Boy's love really is unconditional, because I can imagine I'm going to be a peach to deal with at that juncture! Oh joy, I can hardly wait.

How does this relate to Christmas? I'm already dreading the moment I wake up to know I have to quash the heartache of my girls not being with me. I tell them often that Christmas spirit is in your heart. Christmas isn't about just gifts and December 25th, but about being with those you love, be it the 25th or any day thereabouts. I now have to put to practice what I preach.

I have never spent Christmas Day away from the girls, as I've said, so this is going to be a year of a new kind of tradition. Cute Boy and I are going to sleep until we sleep and that is going to be cute and cuddly time. We will then take the dog out for her walk, brew coffee, have breakfast and then the day is up in the air from there. It will be different, that is for sure.

The girls and I are going to be celebrating our Christmas on Tuesday December 23rd. I'm not sure how long I will see them since Queenie is being driven down by her father and then after we are done, Princess is going to his house for Christmas. This arrangement is already becoming a hassle since he wants to be in town as little as possible, so that puts the pressure on us to do our Christmas quickly. It is heartbreaking to say the least, but I will say nothing, so as to try and keep the girls from feeling the tug. If I get 20 minutes or 2 hours, I will cherish it. The joy of giving to them and their little girl laughter and giggles will be a Christmas present in itself. I know they are no longer little girls in stature and appearance, but in my heart they will always be my little girls.

So, this momma bird is dealing with an empty nest, but a full heart. A heart filled with the love I have for my daughters and the blessings that I am able to share in their lives, be it December 25th, 23 or 21st.

Christmas Countdown - Day #2

December 2 - Friends are so precious to me. No more than at this wonderful time of year. What is better than the spirit of Christmas all around you while with a friend. The gift of friendship is that best gift of all and to me, what Christmas is all about.

When you think back to the more difficult times in your life, to the most special moments and those cherished memories, there is usually always a friend attached. The wonderful gift of a friendship is what most anyone seeks in life.

I love the fact that friendships can be made and maintained through the computer now. It is one of the better things to come of the Internet. I've been blessed with many new friends because of this very blog. I will refrain from listing them for fear of omitting a name. You know who you are! I love you!

Now, to pay tribute to my everyday friends. What can I say to you that can come anywhere near to truly touching on my gratitude and love for you. You too, know who you are. I would not be half the person I am today if not for your love and support.

The world, my world, would be such a sad place without each and every one of you!

Christmas Countdown

I love Christmas and in the spirit of that, I'm going to do a Christmas countdown, much like the way of an advent calendar. Each day I will post one thing I love about Christmas until the final day of December 25th. I'm sorry, but I lack the ability to share chocolates or little Advent gifts with you. I would if I could though.

December 1st - I love spending the holidays with my family and loved ones. My family is scattered now and that is okay. As much as we are in different places, the girls and I, I try to impress to them that Christmas is about being with the ones you love during the holiday season and not just on December 25th.

In the wonderful way that people can be, I'm blessed to be surrounded by Cute Boy's family too. They have welcomed me in a way that can only be described as 'awesome and warm'. Not to mention the single blessing of having Cute Boy in my life to share the holidays with now. That is a Christmas gift of immeasurable happiness and peace (most of the time).

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

It's starting to feel a bit more like Christmas too. I'm usually in the Christmas spirit long before this, but this year I'm dragging a bit. I'm there now and I'm there with a bang.

I pretty much finished all my shopping today. I have a couple things left to get, not much and not much money needed which is always a blessing.

I finished decorating the upstairs tree about an hour ago. It is so beautiful, if I do say so myself. It is decorated in red and gold colours and appears very regal and classy. I am still debating whether to do a tree in the rec room or not. Lily really wants me to, so I probably will. That tree will have a more homey feel to it and be more country themed, which I absolutely love. You see the problem is, I don't want to have to buy a new artificial tree and that is what is needed for the rec room. The tree from last year just had nothing left to give so it was trashed. Lily would like to get a real tree, but as much as I love them, they are so much work. I always struggle with disposing of the tree after the holidays and stuff. Oh, I dislike this indecisiveness.

The shopping is done and the tree is trimmed! Oh, I said that already didn't I. Now, all that is left to do is some baking, visit friends and enjoy the wonder of the holiday season that I fondly like to refer to as CHRISTMAS!!!!

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Christmas Wishes

The sweetness of Christmas surrounds me even as I sit here at work. As much as I would love to be at home with my girls right now and with others I love dearly, I'm blessed by the fact I'm working in the hospital and not a patient. I'm blessed to have the job I have in spite of how atrocious the schedule is and how gruelling it can be on a personal life. Looking on the bright side of things, I know I have a great job that affords me a good life.

I love Christmas and look forward to it every year. I don't know if it's the day itself or the preparation and anticipation of the day I look forward to most of all. There is a sweetness in the holidays that I wish I could find in the everyday.

Every year I try to put the emphasis on something more than presents, but I'm never successful. I love to buy and to give to others, so I end up fueling the economy more than I should. I don't buy and give just for the sake of doing so, but to see the smile on the face of others, to let them know I'm thinking of them. I'm very much a giver, on every level so it fits that Christmas is my favorite time of year. It fits me to perfection that I'm able to give to those I love.

I wish for you to find peace in your heart and love from those around you.

Merry Christmas

Get To Know Me Christmas

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Both
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Red
4. Do you hang mistletoe? not in the past, but maybe this year
5. When do you put your decorations up? They are up right now
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Stuffing
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Too many to list
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I don't remember
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Pajamas
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Downstairs tree will be with homemade ornaments (countryish) Upstairs will be red and gold
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it when it's pretty and falling, dread driving in it.
12. Can you ice skate? I can, but it is a sight.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? A snowman-like belly peircing from Princess last year
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? My daughters' happiness and being with those I love.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Pumpkin pie.... pumpkin anything really.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Watching A Christmas Carol
17. What tops your tree? I forget, I'm sorry
18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? Without a doubt, giving
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Too many to list
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Yum!