Friday, March 30, 2007

Debby Ann Closs June 9, 1950 - March 30, 1989

Today is the 18th anniversary of my Mother's passing.

There are times when I miss her so much and for reasons I don't always understand in regards to a relationship that never existed in the way I miss her. There was never a time in my life I could pick up the phone and talk things over with her. I was too young to be at that point in my life. I find when life gets out of control I have this urge to be able to p/u the phone and talk with her. Strange eh?

Some anniversary dates are just not happy one's to celebrate. As much as I miss my mother dearly, her life, in the end was a struggle medically and emotionally because of her medical conditions. The struggles she faced is what enables me now, and at the time of her death, to be thankful of her passing. I was relieved at the time of her death, much to annoyance and frustration of many that loved us both. Her time of pain and suffering was over. It was time for those left to deal with the loss, and let her go with a freedom we all deserve in the end.

I wonder what she would think of my life today. Would she understand the choices I made? Would I have made different choices? Would I be a different person than I am this very minute? What would she tell me to do (whether I'd listen would be another story) about my children? What would she think of the fact that I'm going to be a divorced woman? Would she be proud of me in some of things I've done in life? I can never know because life didn't work out that way for us, but I would like to think she would be proud of me.

Love you, Mom

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