I Ask Myself Why

Preamble - This is a full on rant and you're more than welcome to back up and leave. I understand! I'm just using this blog for it's original purpose, to get it out of my head.

There is nothing like a little anger, or huge amounts of anger for that matter to spur on a killer work out. Okay, maybe not killer to some standards, but for me - killer. My arms are already telling me a thing or two! I love it.

My work out consisted of 30 min. on the elliptical with a final distance of 7.4K. WOOHOO!! Do you know how therapeutic it is to work out in the dark? Maybe not so therapeutic when there are tears screaming down your face. A girl has to do what a girl has to do though. I also lifted the following:

Standing Dumbbell Curls
W-10lbs
R - 12
S - 3

Shoulder Raises
W - 10lbs
R - 12
S - 3

Single Arm Hammer Curls
W - 10lbs
R - 12
S - 2

That was all I could think of to do off the top of my head. Limited resources and limited imagination. It was something though and in spite all the swirling head crap and personal crap, I'm glad for what I did do!

I'm so sick and tired of this emotional roller coaster of my life. One day is incredible and then another day is a nightmare. I can't take it! I'm tired of the constant struggle with what is coming next. I loved my life this morning and tonight I don't know what to think. My defences are up, my heart is shaken and my confidence in question. I'm not used to that feeling anymore. A meltdown with cursing and screaming took place and in the presence of another person's child no less! Not cool at all. I think that might be the source of 99.9% of my anger, that another person's child would have to be witness to this garbage. I can't even put to words my disgust!

Tomorrow will be a better day because it sure as hell can't get worse than the end of this one.

Sweet dreams to you and enjoy Biggest Loser. I won't be watching tonight's episode (another rant for another day - maybe).

Up And At 'Em Today

I'm trying make an effort to blog more, so here is some prattling about last night and this morning.

On my way home from work yesterday I stopped in at the post office to send a registered letter to the ex-husband (really still my husband... I get a kick out of saying 'still' because he is planning nuptials for this August and we are STILL married). Stupid! Anyway, I had to give him notification of our new address, so I thought I'd play head games and send him a registered letter. The life he is currently living, for him to get a registered letter will spook him. Life above board and you'd not be paranoid about such things.

Krista and her DBF came over for a quick visit last night to drop off a contest prize that Cute Boy won - A Budweiser bar fridge. Very very cool. It was nice to catch up with the pair of them.

I almost cried when the alarm went off this morning. I went to bed much to late and with a sore throat nonetheless. Woke up with a scratching still there, but being the trooper I am, I got my large ass down to the elliptical.

I didn't leave myself enough time, so I had to cut my work out down to 12 minutes. I will do another session this evening and attempt to get a weight in my hands.

I hit the showers and got ready. I had my clothing laid out so as not to wake Cute Boy when I was getting ready for work this morning, only to have to go back in the bedroom and stand in the walk in closet trying to find something to wear that fit properly. It does not do a girl's mental state any service when pants that fit last week or the week before don't fit now! Damn it! I'm so mad at myself. If that isn't incentive enough to get back on that elliptical tonight, I don't know what is.

I think that is one of my strongest emotions in regards to where I was in comparison to where I am now. I am angry with myself. I'm disappointed that I let go to waste all my hard work. I know it isn't good to compare your body to that of another, so I try not to do it. I don't really need to, I can compare my body now to my own body just a few short years ago. I'm annoyed to no end, but only I have the ability to change where I am. I will change it to, it is just going to take time. I want success over night, but isn't going to happen and the sooner I realize that, the better off I'll be.

I feel as though this entry has taken a negative turn and that's not my intent. I'm still feeling pretty good about myself, but the clothing issue this morning played games with my head.

Thanks for reading my unload. I love this blog for the ability to get the junk out of my head. Even when I only really had one or two commenter's, this was a place to be free to clear the air with myself. It is therapeutic to get the chatter out of my head and be done with it.

Happy Healthy Days to you!

Super Bowl Super Women Super Feeling

Do you have those mornings that you wake up and feel incredible? Not sure of the why of it, but you just feel on 'your game'. That is how I feel this morning. I slept like garbage last night, which is a new thing for me after my recent bout of sleeplessness, so this feeling is extremely unexpected, but no less enjoyed.

The time on the clock was ugly and I would have loved to spend more time between the sheets, but life being what life is, I was up and at 'em. A good cup of coffee and a few minutes catching a couple blog entries and then it was time to get down to the business of getting ready for work.

Last night was spent with 3 awesome women for a girl's Super Bowl party. It was such a blast. Krista, in true Krista fashion, is an incredible host. There was more food there than any human being should ever have the choice to eat in one sitting. Miss Mary and Deb (ting ting ting ting ting ting ting) were also in attendance. My abs are still aching a wee bit from the laughter as well as my stomach being stretched to the max from the foods I shouldn't have eaten, but enjoyed.

I think part of my mood this morning has to do with knowing I have that damn elliptical in the basement. I'm looking forward to giving it a work out tonight. When unpacking things yesterday I found the free weights. There aren't many, but I really don't need many. The weight bench is also in the house from the garage too. I will have Cute Boy help me get things situated down there and then I'm on way to a small home gym. No more excuses! I will still hit the gym when my work and life commitments allow, but knowing I have access to the equipment in the basement does my mental state good! It doesn't take much to impress me. :)

I can feel my shoulders and arms today. That is pathetic and an indicator as to how far I've let myself go physically. That I'm feeling pain today from 21 minutes on the elliptical is sad, so very sad. Why is it then, that I laugh or smile every time I feel the pain? That would be because I'm changing and committing to being more fit and healthier! I love it!

The day just got better, as I type this Keith Urban is playing on my radio. Life couldn't get any better than this minute right here, right now!

Have an awesome happy healthy day!