Colour Me Green

Green isn't really my colour, but lately I seem to be wearing a lot of it.

I have so much going on in my life lately, and stuff that isn't pretty. No matter how many times I revisit the issues I can not make them any less of an ugly frightening situation than what floats in my damn head. It's not that I've manufactured the issues, I just can't escape them. The two that have created them seem to be doing fine with things, but the mother (me), not so much. I think the reason would be that I'm the adult and see the situations for what they are - life changing!

On top of all the issues I'm having with my girls, I'm struggling with jealousy in other people. I know many of you that know I want a breast augmentation think I'm crazy, but I really do want one. It's been years and I've never wavered. Not for one second have I had a doubt that this was something that I wanted. The only thing holding me back was, and always is, money. That is the heart breaker of the situation. I'm a viable candidate and I just don't have the money. When I first requested the referral to the plastic surgeon, I had the money and could have and would have had the surgery done, if not for the fact that my doctor had my incorrect mailing address 3 addresses back from the one I was living in at the time, or I could have had my surgery done and paid for a long time ago. If only the referring plastic surgeon's office had called my house to confirm it years ago, rather than wait until 3 years later to follow up. So sad.

I just read on another's blog that she is getting a breast job, tummy tuck and liposuction to compliment all the weight she has lost. Great on her for losing the weight and essentially getting rid of all the excess skin and improving her breast line as well. As I read her blog entry I cried. I cried a lot. How pathetic.

A friend I work with is getting a breast augmentation in December as well as a tummy tuck. I'm happy for her. I really am. She is a sweetheart of a woman and this will make her extremely happy. Her fiancee bought her this for her 40th birthday. How freaking sweet is that! She has her appointment December 1st I think it is. As happy as I am for her I am so sad for myself. Again, how pathetic.

People will say to me from time to time, just buy a good bra. A bra will give you the lift, the cleavage and bust line you want. That is all fine and dandy, so my chest will look good in clothing. What the hell happens when I take the bra off? Oh ya, the sagging will be down to my rib cage and stretching more it seems everyday. Lay on my back and my freaking sides have grown boobs. Lovely! I hate it.

Why is it that I have so many other more important and life changing events happening in my world and I'm sitting her crying over boobs? Pathetic! Really freaking pathetic!