Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Endings and Beginnings

I've got a big day ahead of me. It will be one more step in the dissolution of my marriage. I'm signing my separation agreement today and it could prove to be a very emotional happening. The pressure I put on myself to be this, to be that is incredible and for today I must put the most pressure ever to get through this appointment with the strength I'm not sure I possess. The biggest issue facing me isn't so much that I have to sign the agreement, that I'm actually looking forward to, but the fact that Rob has to be there too is going to take a lot of strength and emotion I don't have to spare. The feelings I once had for this man are long gone. Hurts have been too deeply set for me to feel anything more for him than frustration and disgust. My anxiety about today doesn't stem from anything other than the fact that being around him is like having the life sucked out of me. He is so demanding, even now from a distance that I'm emotionally exhausted from dealing with him even for the short period of time I will have to today. For once it would be nice if he'd have just played by the rules and hired the services of a lawyer and not been so lackadaisical about this situation. I guess, if I were to be totally honest I think I'm scared to death to see him. How do you get from a marriage, a best friend, a lover to being disgusted and small bit afraid to be around the person? Hmmmm, this would be pondering topics for another day, but not today!

I know there is skepticism in the belief of horoscopes but not for me today. My horoscope for today is spot-on! I get this e-mail daily and in my in-box today was this: Tammy, you shouldn't even try to find a reasonable explanation to what goes on around you today; there isn't one. Let yourself be carried by the tides of emotions from the past that will run through your body and soul. There's no use trying to control them, they need to come out. Instead, take the time to revitalize yourself, in the intimacy of your home or at a friend's.

I'll see what the day brings. No need worrying about something I can't control, right?

Post a Comment