Why?

I am not having a good day today.

I am scared.

I am nervous.

I am not coping well.

I am at a loss for words.

I am struggling to think I can make a difference.

I am a fraction from tears at any given moment.

I am living in denial. It's easier that way.

I am so sorry for the fear and anxiety that I can do nothing to prevent.

I am praying my little heart out.

I love you to the moon and back!

My GoodLife Afternoon

This is what you get when you sign up to be a member at GoodLife gyms and refer 3 friends. Notice that would be my house hardwood flooring you see in the background, so you can handily assume that this bag is in my house. Meaning - I joined the gym - AGAIN!!!!

I got the bag for the sacrifice of 3 names - Pam, Mary and Laura. All I ask is that you each forgive me. You may join and then change your life, the way I hope to this time around. Then, you can thank me.

The appointment with John was a bit eye-opening in the sense that I talked with him where I am, where I used to be and how I want to get back to a place that I was happy to be with my body and how I feel about myself. It was a one point I said, "The way you feel when you walk out of that gym with a sense of power and self-worth, is the most amazing feeling and not one you can put a monetary value to." Funny, I can say it just don't do it. Well, I'm paying now, as of July 1st, so I'm doing!

I also took the plunge and paid for 3-1 hour sessions with a personal trainer. It was more than I wanted to spend, not that the 3 sessions are overly expensive, but the trainer itself, I wasn't planning on. I think the way I feel and how I question my ability to do this without the ex-husband, a personal trainer may be worth his/her weight in gold.

In talking with the consultant (John) we touched on my past success and how I was able to do certain things. He told me I have the power within myself to do those things on my own. I don't need an ex-husband (built in trainer) to get me the results I want. I did the work, so I can do it again. I know this is true. Being that I've done it before I know the work it will take to get there again, so I think sometimes, that more than anything is the biggest mental battle, that and finding the time.

Goodness gracious I've just recommitted to a gym membership. I'm happy, but concerned about the finances. That part never ends. I will just have to make it worth my while and that is the bottom line!

The-You-Have-To-Start-Somewhere-Workout

How many times have I come here saying that I'm going to do this and that? I don't blame you if you can't remember. It's my life and my statements and I can't remember either. So, you're forgiven.

I thought I would attempt to get downstairs this morning see what I could do in regards to throwing together a home work out with what equipment I have. Now, you may remember that I (we) have a Universal in the 'workout' room. Well, I tried it a couple times last summer and I can say with feeling and without hesitation, I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! It is the most awkward and non-user friendly piece of equipment I've ever the misfortune to work on. I would be soooo happy to see that thing listed For Sale on Kijiji. No such luck yet.

Off the basement I head with an upper body work out in mind. Have to stay away from the lower body because of my leg issues. This is what I came up with for this morning. Now keep in mind I'm extremely rusty.

2 - 15 second planks
10 incline push ups
15 crunches
10 - 10lb single bicep curls
10 - 10lb triceps extensions
10 - 15lb squats - leg felt okay
10 - 8.5lb overhead shoulder press

This is a good start for me right now. I'm not going to spout off how I could have, should have and will do. I did and that is good enough for me for now.