A Mental Refresher

I got home from work last night to the most wonderful sight. Cute Boy in the kitchen. I can't tell you happy I am that he and I are in a good place and with that good place, all the support and good he brings to my life.

I grinned a little grin when I saw him in the kitchen. I groaned a little groan too. On the counter was 2 bricks of cheese and macaroni... what is that???? That is the making of his macaroni and cheese casserole. I love it. I hate it. I love it more! It is sooo tasty but soooo ass fattening. Last night, I didn't care I just enjoyed it. He made supper and I was appreciative of every bite.

There are days when my life is an emotional roller coaster and there are days when I don't know how I got it so good.

You see, Cute Boy is anal (not in a bad way anal, like me) about the garbage. The garbage is a household chore he likes to do. Last night was garbage night. I had to do nothing. He likes to play in the snow - read shovel and snowplow. We are in the midst of a couple days of snowy weather. I've done nothing. Okay, nothing might be pushing it. He shovels. I drink coffee/tea/wine. He shovels and I'm in the house shoveling. While on the topic of household chores, I'll continue to sing his praises. He likes to cut the grass too. So, in the summer he's cutting the grass I'm on the deck with a book reading. How did I get so lucky?

I've been off my game mentally since I'm feeling like I'm not appreciated and some other things that have been pointed out to me by a person I can barely tolerate, but the comments have hit home and are rooting in my head and heart. I was mentally and emotionally drained when I got home from work last night. The timing of Cute Boy's culinary help and wonder were right on target. After dinner we went in to our room with the intention of (get your mind out of the gutter) watching a movie after the early edition news. I don't remember the news since I fell asleep to the rhythm of Cute Boy rubbing my back. I can remember laying there telling him how sweet he is with a tear rolling down my cheek. He doesn't know I had the tears unless he reads about it here, which he normally doesn't. It's one of those moments that you know this is where you were meant to be and with whom.

See the pattern of my roller coaster life though? Tuesday night so sad and heart broken at feeling unappreciated and disrespected. Wednesday night just the complete opposite. Nothing more to worry about than being loved by Cute Boy with no worries from him whatsoever. As much as I appreciate the love, support and general taking care of me, I wonder if I'm going crazy and what the hell is wrong with me. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Make sense?

Somewhere along the way things with Cute Boy and I just clicked in how we live this life of ours together. Our life isn't going to always be easy, but right now I'm going to take every minute of and enjoy it. I was thinking last night, how is it that I became the princess in my life? I can't say for certain, but I think it's Cute Boy! How lucky I am.

Done Like a Dinner

So, we went out for dinner. It was great to see my in-laws. The food was great. The reason for the gathering was great as well. The attitude from the girl for the reason for the celebration - not so much.

I was asked for pictures. The attitude took care of that. After the attitude I couldn't be bothered to take pictures. Why bother? To commemorate the joyous gathering?

I'm so sick and tired of being treated like I'm just a carpet. The tone and ignorance is beyond what I can handle. I'm at the end of my mental rope. I will tolerate this no longer! I'm done like a dinner and all it took was a final celebration dinner to see that I'm not respected or appreciated. I'm nothing more than a means to an end. The end has come for me.

My heart breaks at the way I feel right now, but that broken heart is not an indication of weakness, but rather a resolve to stop being an emotional punching bag for those that use me as such. So, the tears I cried last night and the heaviness of thoughts today are not a lack of strength. It is more a show of strength that I am shutting down my emotions and from here on out just going through the paces.

Done like a dinner is me!

Big Day Celebration

It's a big day in my house today!

Queenie informed me last night that she writes her final exam in her independent study course today. She is so excited. I can't find the words to fit the feelings of pride at watching her prance around the kitchen beeming with pride in what she's done. And so she should be so proud of herself.

The road thus far has been wrought with victories big and small. Challenges and successes. Missteps and confident strides. It is a day that at times neither of us, Queenie or myself was sure was going to happen. Something somewhere clicked for Queenie and here she stands today, about to take her final exam and graduate from high school.

I can still remember sitting with her as a little girl working on learning book activities from this extremely expensive door to door sales kit that her father and I bought at an outrageous price. The number of books I read to her, too many to count. I loved it all. It hasn't always been as easy as snuggling up on a couch sharing in a story. There were times when school was skipped, when it was easier to not go than to find the drive to get up and get it done. There was Independent Study programs, more than a few high schools in 2 different cities. The important thing is that it Queenie has pulled it together. Today marks the end of one journey and the beginning of another.

A celebration dinner is in order this evening. Queenie, Cute Boy, Princess, my in-laws and myself will be hitting up The Lonestar for a little dinner to celebrate Queenie and her accomplishment!

I, along with many others, couldn't be happier!

Congratulations Sweetie!