23 Years Ago Today

This marks the anniversary of my mother's admittance to hospital, to never really ever get out again. I was 15 years old at this point in time and to not know that I would never live with my mother again, is more than I think I could bare. I was mature for my age, even then, but I think to know then what I know now, I'm glad I was oblivious to all that was to come. Sometimes leaving your life in the hands of others and the unknown isn't always a bad thing.

I say she never really got out again, but she did but for such a short time it wouldn't even be classed as a single day. My mother was discharged from hospital late morning/early afternoon and was re-admitted late that evening. My mother had difficulty in walking after being hospital and bed bound for over 2 months. The doctor's believed her atrophy was attributed to lack of movement in her lower extremities. It wasn't until later that night when her bowels and bladder gave out that she returned to hospital to never again leave for more than a day visit to spend time with her (our) family.

It took years to finally diagnose my mother's condition, which is now known to be Lupus. It wasn't until we lived with the diagnosis of MS, and many others before it was discovered to be Lupus, that is sometimes commonly referred to as The Disease of a Thousand Faces. No kidding. As a young woman, my mother was diagnosed with Raynaud's disease and Sclermoderma and then eventually Rhuematoid Arthritis, to name a few. In the subsequent months, she went blind (on my 16th birthday - the poor thing, broke her heart), and lost all ability to move any of her extremities. I can't count the number of times she coded. I know she was losing her fight to keep up the fight, but I think because of me, wouldn't sign a DNR. There were many setbacks along the way and she would bounce back. Her ability to recover was one thing, but never would she rebound to a point beyond her last recovery, so all we were left to do was watch the decline of her life. It was a long road and a very difficult and emotionally draining road for my mother. My heart hurts at the thoughts of what she endured.

How is it that I can be relieved to know my mother has passed and I'll never have the opportunity to talk with her in a physical sense ever again? Yesterday would have been my mother's 58th Birthday and today marks the 23rd anniversary of her passing. Strange how things like that work out.

I was going to link to the ailments, but I found there were way too many to do - sorry.