First Half Marathon Report

That would be the smiling face of a woman about ready to run the first half marathon of her life. It is crazy to think the day had finally arrived and that I finished in 2:41:59.8

It was a long path. I guess all runner's have a story, and after this experience I have a story too. Not only do I have a story to tell, but the stories I witnessed is enough to have me smiling for days.

The morning started off pretty quiet. The alarm went off and I laid in bed for a few minutes watching videos. I wasn't as nervous in the morning as I was the night before, which I found rather strange. It was the do or die moment, I think. There was no turning back at this point. Not that that there was ever a moment that I wouldn't follow through with this. It's just not how I'm wired.

I had various items of support with me:
Red shirt - my favorite colour
Shoe soldier - From Bree to Velda to me
Hat - from Cute Boy
Purple sweat rag - Velda
Music - from my girls
Pam and Mary - support

The shoe bling

Off to the race site we head, Mary, Pam and I. Tracy who was to come with us, had a family situation that kept her from spending the weekend with us. :( Let me say it here and now. I couldn't have chosen better supporters to travel with. Pam and Mary kept me entertained and filled me with hope and confidence. I couldn't be more thankful for their love and support.

The 1/2 was started in waves so as to alleviate congestion where the full and half met up. I was in the Red Corral. Okay, how cool is that? Red is my favorite colour. So, being slow had it's advantages. ;)

I was so far back from the start line, I could barely see it. It took almost 19 minutes for me to cross the start line. It was then that race really began for me. Those first few steps in an actual Boston qualifier and holy hell, I was doing it. One problem with this delayed training and whatnot, my Garmin and I got in a fight, so I was without it for the first 40 minutes. That really threw me off my game. I used my ipod as a timer on my walk/run splits. Oh well! Not everything is going to go right on game day.

I was in the 3+ pace group. Yee of little faith. At one point I saw the 2:45 pace bunny. I wanted her and I wanted her bad! I passed her, by a long shot and then all of a sudden she was back in my vision. Ahead of me! I don't know what happened to my pace, but I was pissed. It was a back and forth with the 2:45 pace bunny. At points I was envisioning smacking her with her little timer stick! LOL

I met up with a woman and ran with her for about 10 minutes and then pulled away. I realized I really was on this journey on my own. I wanted to set my own pace. No matter how fast or slow, I wanted to have the freedom to do my own thing and not feel less than someone else. I ran every training run on my own. No need at this point to mess with what got me this far.

I hit a favorite song at 5K and it totally pushed me forward. Jay-Z, you are the man! I was neither here nor there about the music I was hearing, except for a few songs. A few reminded me of Cute Boy and that was very special while I was out there. A few reminded me of each of my girls. I contemplated putting The Climb on there, but didn't think that was the smartest decision for me at this point in time, or ever.

There was never a moment that I doubted I would finish. There were moments of incredible inspiration, but never many of doubt in myself or the process. The various runners of age, body and physical disabilities, but really disabilities? I don't think so. They were on the route running a half marathon. That in my mind was incredible. I saw people with braces on their knees, ice packs taped to their shins. The whole thing was just mind blowing. I loved it.

I have to give a shout out to any of the volunteers that stood for hours handing out electrolyte drinks, water, gel shots, water sponges, Vaseline swabs. I made sure to thank every volunteer that I was fortunate enough to be supplied something from, usually with a 'You are a rock star' comment. It made them smile. It made me smile. The people on the side of the roads, when they would be encouraging, I would make sure to make eye contact and give a quick smile so they would know they made a difference in my race experience. They really do make a difference!Sometimes it's a bit embarrassing, but it was greatly appreciated and many times just what I needed.

All in all this was an experience that I wouldn't trade for a minute. I'm on the fence about whether I will do another. That is for another time to be thought about long and hard, but not right now. I did this one. I didn't prepare the way I had wanted to, but I'm happy with the outcome. Now, if there is something you think you can't do, go out and try! You just never know how well you may do! Have faith in yourself.

And, the hardware!

MWAH!

My GoodLife Afternoon

This is what you get when you sign up to be a member at GoodLife gyms and refer 3 friends. Notice that would be my house hardwood flooring you see in the background, so you can handily assume that this bag is in my house. Meaning - I joined the gym - AGAIN!!!!

I got the bag for the sacrifice of 3 names - Pam, Mary and Laura. All I ask is that you each forgive me. You may join and then change your life, the way I hope to this time around. Then, you can thank me.

The appointment with John was a bit eye-opening in the sense that I talked with him where I am, where I used to be and how I want to get back to a place that I was happy to be with my body and how I feel about myself. It was a one point I said, "The way you feel when you walk out of that gym with a sense of power and self-worth, is the most amazing feeling and not one you can put a monetary value to." Funny, I can say it just don't do it. Well, I'm paying now, as of July 1st, so I'm doing!

I also took the plunge and paid for 3-1 hour sessions with a personal trainer. It was more than I wanted to spend, not that the 3 sessions are overly expensive, but the trainer itself, I wasn't planning on. I think the way I feel and how I question my ability to do this without the ex-husband, a personal trainer may be worth his/her weight in gold.

In talking with the consultant (John) we touched on my past success and how I was able to do certain things. He told me I have the power within myself to do those things on my own. I don't need an ex-husband (built in trainer) to get me the results I want. I did the work, so I can do it again. I know this is true. Being that I've done it before I know the work it will take to get there again, so I think sometimes, that more than anything is the biggest mental battle, that and finding the time.

Goodness gracious I've just recommitted to a gym membership. I'm happy, but concerned about the finances. That part never ends. I will just have to make it worth my while and that is the bottom line!

Home for the Holidays 30 hours and more

So, last night it was a gathering of the minds. Crazy minds that is. Mary came over to visit Pam and I as she will do from time to time. It is always a blast. Never a moment not filled with laughter and good times. It was like old times that Pam and I used to share, but with the wonderful addition of Mary. We had Timmy's tea with chocolate vitamuffins for snack. Good times. Good food.

Last nights get together was for the sole purpose of getting Mary moving on her stitching. Well, Mary made progress alright. Look at what she did last night. Be proud, I am! LOL

This is what it will look like when it's finished. And, Mary, you will finish it. 100 stitches at a time. Okay, I know you are sitting at 29 stitches in this picture, but will get there eventually and look like this!


Below is the most recent installment in my stocking. This is at 30 hours. It's amazing how much more progress one can make when not ripping stitches out because one fails to count well beyond 5.

Syl, you had asked in my last stitching entry if I will show the final picture of when I've completed this piece. The answer is, "Yes, and every picture until then at 10 hour intervals'.

As always, thanks for looking and any kind comments you leave as proof you were here! MWAH

Passionately Pink's Run for the Cure

Our personalized shirts


Loot bags


All my pink and angel goodies



The most rockin'-est team ever!

My angel (Velda)

This year's run didn't turn out anything like I expected. Not one single thing. I had an awesome team! I love doing the run, but I hate doing the run. I don't want to do cancer anymore. I'm tired of it! I'm sick of it! I hate it!

We all gathered around each other on a cold wet day. There was one of us missing and that just broke my heart. Velda couldn't be with us this year because of her own battle with cancer.

Our team broke apart once the run began. Krista ran, Princess and Queenie walked together, Cute Boy's daughters and I walked together and bringing up the rear was Miss Mary and her little chicklets. The route this year was very hilly and not the most walker friendly route there ever was.

In the last 500 meters, Cute Boy's daughters and I caught up to mine. We were coming down the home stretch where Krista was already waiting, and out of the corner of my eye, was Velda. I didn't expect to see her at all. It was such a shock to me! I cried as I saw her and together we stood holding each other just on this side of the finish line. Hand in hand we walked together across the finish line. I don't know the last time I cried those kind of tears, until today!

Less than one week later, the tears have started again.

The run will be run again next year! I don't want to do the run anymore! I'm sick of it! While I was living the Run day and I was composing this entry in my head, I wanted it to be about hope (and it is) and a fighting spirit. Right now I'm all out of fighting spirit. I know I'll find it again. I will. I have no choice, but right now I'm all out of everything.

Tomorrow is a new day. A day that I can start over when my feet hit the floor. A day that has nothing but promise. Tomorrow will not bring me the heartaches of today. Today will not be lived again (thankfully).

I'm sorry!

Birthday Babes and a Beautiful Cake

Who knew Miss Mary was so talented? I sure didn't. She keeps her talents well guarded - too guarded if you ask me.

An impromptu birthday party was thrown together for me at work last night. Pam and I work every other week on an evening shift and Miss Mary works Tuesday and Thursday until 6:30p, so a mini birthday party was planned. It worked out really well because the super cool new girl was working last night and she got to participate in the good times. Friendships are being made amongst us all and that is one of the best birthday gifts a girl could ever ask for.

Mary made this little beauty for me. The picture does not do it justice. This is one of the prettiest cakes I've ever seen. I can barely form a rectangle when making a cake in a 9x13 pan, to hell with making it look like a heart! :) It tastes good too! Yummy yummy in my tummy!

Pam made dinner. Mary made the cake. Tracy (new girl) supplied the laughs! It was good times. There is nothing sweeter than being surrounded by good friends and know you are loved by those friends. It feels like a hug from the inside out (thanks for that one V).

You girls rock! Thank you for spending the night with me and with each other!

Super Bowl Super Women Super Feeling

Do you have those mornings that you wake up and feel incredible? Not sure of the why of it, but you just feel on 'your game'. That is how I feel this morning. I slept like garbage last night, which is a new thing for me after my recent bout of sleeplessness, so this feeling is extremely unexpected, but no less enjoyed.

The time on the clock was ugly and I would have loved to spend more time between the sheets, but life being what life is, I was up and at 'em. A good cup of coffee and a few minutes catching a couple blog entries and then it was time to get down to the business of getting ready for work.

Last night was spent with 3 awesome women for a girl's Super Bowl party. It was such a blast. Krista, in true Krista fashion, is an incredible host. There was more food there than any human being should ever have the choice to eat in one sitting. Miss Mary and Deb (ting ting ting ting ting ting ting) were also in attendance. My abs are still aching a wee bit from the laughter as well as my stomach being stretched to the max from the foods I shouldn't have eaten, but enjoyed.

I think part of my mood this morning has to do with knowing I have that damn elliptical in the basement. I'm looking forward to giving it a work out tonight. When unpacking things yesterday I found the free weights. There aren't many, but I really don't need many. The weight bench is also in the house from the garage too. I will have Cute Boy help me get things situated down there and then I'm on way to a small home gym. No more excuses! I will still hit the gym when my work and life commitments allow, but knowing I have access to the equipment in the basement does my mental state good! It doesn't take much to impress me. :)

I can feel my shoulders and arms today. That is pathetic and an indicator as to how far I've let myself go physically. That I'm feeling pain today from 21 minutes on the elliptical is sad, so very sad. Why is it then, that I laugh or smile every time I feel the pain? That would be because I'm changing and committing to being more fit and healthier! I love it!

The day just got better, as I type this Keith Urban is playing on my radio. Life couldn't get any better than this minute right here, right now!

Have an awesome happy healthy day!

Some Days

Some days are a mixed bag of everything and anything.

I should be in bed. I should be in bed, but I also know this is something I have to get off my chest, out of my head and free from my thoughts.

I've had a day of so many emotions that I know the thought of sleep is just that, a thought. I just got home from hanging out with one of the most amazing women I've ever the honour of knowing and loving! My Miss Mary.

You see, Miss Mary used to be married to my cousin and is no longer. It has been years that Mary and I have been developing our friendship,. Our friendship really took hold when her marriage fell apart. It was through our e-mails, mine of support to her, that I saw in a more clear light, what an incredible woman my cousin let slip through his fingers. It is with great honour I can call this incredible woman my friend. I could go on and on singing her praises and Mary being Mary would let me too.

I come from an extremely dysfunctional family and it breaks my heart on many levels. I talk about it only to those I'm closest to because it is just too painful to have to deal with at the best of times. This is not the best of times.

I've not been close to my grandmother for quite some time because of the family dysfunction. I've been estranged from my father and his wife for 9 years now. As much as I tried to keep the problems with my father from spilling over into other areas of my life, it just couldn't be. My grandmother became too involved trying to mend the relationship with her son and granddaughter and using my daughter's as the instrument. It was then I had to step away from the situation. There needed to be some distance to save my children from becoming a pawn in a drama beyond their comprehension. This estrangement with my father is so very sad and something I've tried, to no avail, to fix numerous times over the last 9 years. My daughters have tried and I have tried. It was a few years ago that I just developed the approach of indifference to the situation. That isn't something I'm proud of, but in the interest of trying to protect my heart, and shield my children, I had to turn it off to a degree.

For the now. My grandmother has been admitted to hospital. Mary and I went to visit her this evening. I felt like I was an emotional cheater in having Mary with me when I went to see my grandmother after such a long time away. There gets to be a point that a change needs to be made and someone needs to step up to the plate and take a swing a making it better. That is what Mary and I did this evening. I know I could have never done it without her (in case you're reading - I love you).

I walked in to that hospital room with my heart beating out of my chest, sweating palms and shaky knees. It was insane. I took one look at my grandmother asleep in that bed and the tears just started rolling. My grandmother was asleep and we were just going to write a note to let her know we where there, until the nurse came in and spoke which woke my grandmother. When she saw Mary and I together she just about jumped out of her bed which is no easy feat from a woman in her condition. Hugs all around and a few more tears. I was really struggling with the words, so Mary, bless her soul, just chattered away as though she'd just seen my grandmother yesterday.

My grandmother advised me really early on in the visit that my father would be there to visit in about a half hour. I wasn't there to see anyone but her, so that my father would come visit too, was just the way it would have to be. True to form, my dad showed up when expected. Now, I don't cut my dad a lot of slack, but I have to say, I felt for him at that moment. He had no idea we were going to be there until he walked around the curtain. My dad and I were in the same room with one another for 45 minutes. That very well may be the longest we've been in one another's company since this whole mess started. Mary summed it up best by saying, "It was like an Uncle/Niece conversation not Father/Daughter".

Leaving my grandmother was tough, but taking the first step was tougher. I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I had the opportunity to do it. I am glad to have had Mary with me.

The night ended with Mary and I going for dinner at The Lonestar and catching up with one another's lives. I love this girl like you can't even know. I am truly blessed that my cousin married her to bring her in to my life. He may have let her slip away, but I wont.

I love you, girl!

With my head and heart unloaded, I'm off to bed.

Sweet dreams.

Girls Night Out - Beware!

As is always I have problems when trying to put to words the great time I have when with Mary, Krista, and this time, Princess. We all hung out together on Tuesday night and tore it up in the States. What an absolute blast I had.

There were so many laughs and so many moments that can only really be described as 'had to be there'. I'm not sure that Princess really enjoyed herself, but it was great to have her along, as much as I think she was overwhelmed by the rambunctious behaviour of her mother and 2 crazy friends. Both Mary and Krista were lucky I didn't dump them on the side of the road! I threatened the US Customs Officer upon entering the States that I would in all likelihood be leaving Krista with his country! Miss Mary amped up her nasty behaviour and was going to be left behind as well. Go Boston! My ass!!!

Go Boston seemed to be the theme of the day after crossing the border. You see, I sport really sweet 'YNKEEGRL' licence plates. Who do you think the US Custom Officer roots for? If you guessed Boston, you'd be right. Damn it! So I took some good spirited ribbing from him and then from the girls! Again, Go Boston my ass! I'll not even get started on the inner office mail I got from Krista a few days following the trip.

There wasn't a lot of money spent. We did hit the Bath and Body Works where I restrained myself and only purchased 3 bottles of hand soap. Oh the smell is heavenly. I love to pee just so I can wash my hands with this wonderful smell.

Dinner found us at Appleby's. OMG it was sooo good. I love their WW friendly menu. My dinner was just the right amount of food for a good amount of points. Included in our wonderful meal was the offer of a 'backs' (box for those of you lost there). This waitress was pretty good and her accent had us cracking up. The hotties (NOT) at the bar being offered Shirley Temples. I tell no lies. It was hilarious. Big buff, military dudes being offered Shirley Temples was too funny. Appleby's is really the place to be in Watertown on Tuesday night. There was DUDE in the parking lot with his DO rag on his head..... how about a DON'T rag. Some things just don't need to be seen. Not now, not ever. Dude thinking he's all hot in his rag waving at 4 young woman in a car. Okay, maybe we're not all young. I'll not even touch on the looks Princess was getting from men throughout the day. I was going to kick some serious American Ass. Oh the joys of being the mother of a well developed teenage daughter.

Besides hitting Bath and Body Works, the main reason for our trip was to hit the 24 hour Walmart for some much needed American stores only foods. One of my favorite things ever is grocery shopping in the states. Thank you Price Is Right. There are so many foods not available in Canada that I continually see on commercials. Well now is my time to stock up. I didn't end up with as much as I had hoped, but I was trying to buy only what I could pay for in cash. Didn't happen, but I tried. I ended up with some really cool foods, this one being my most treasured right now.... Oregean Chai Tea It has been a sweet little treat for me this week. I've not been to Starbucks since Tuesday. Having this gem in my fridge is well worth a trip to the states. There are other things I bought. I've taken a pic and will post when I'm home.

The memories for this trip are many. How difficult it is to drive with tears in your eyes from laughing. It is a challenge especially when considering I hate driving in the states. The intersection lights freak me out! LOL I hate driving at night and I'm navigationally challenged beyond what is acceptable for any human being, especially one with a driver's licence.

Oh, I have to tell you about this most adorable Canada Customs Officer we had when coming back in to Canada. Never mind you know all about him already.... awwwww cute boy! Seriously though, it was weird to go through his line. I never do since it's not good for him to know people coming through. We did the drill though and since we didn't spend a lot of money and most of it was food we didn't have to go inside. Just seeing his cute little smile was the perfect end to an awesome day for me.

Krista and Mary will both be reading and I know I've not nearly done justice to the fun we had. I never do. It is too much to try and capture it in written word. You girls are too much and just the best fun!

My parting to you both - Go Boston my ass!!

Love ya,

~TT

Canoe what???? How do I not know these things?

How do I begin this entry? It is this same thought every time I try to blog about my time with Mary and Krista.

As always when the three of us get together there is an overflow of laughter, friendship, food, beverage and good times. The dinner was awesome, Mary. Oh ya, Krista too, or shall I say the cooking show host extraordinaire. The brownies were so good and the traveller was just what I didn't need. We had brownies with peanut butter and Turtle ice cream with Corona for an appetizer. Miss Mary, holy wow did you taste that beer???? I've never seen such a sight. Cute girl you are!!!! Dinner was delicious and Mary, good girl you are, only burning your face one time. I'm so proud of you. Cute Boy's raspberry biscuits were nothing short of experiencing an out of body moment.... okay maybe those biscuits rank up there with the BIG O!

I have to ask, 'Do you know what a canoe (you fill in the blanks) is"? Maybe I'd be better not to ask. This being a family rated show and all, such a question might not go over so well. Herein lies the 'Educating of Tammy'. I've so much to learn. Anyone up for teaching me? I used to have a canoe and gave it away for free last year. I just had to get rid of it! I was purging my house of all the stuff I no longer needed and the canoe was one of the first things to go. Showers made specifically for one thing and it's not a shower, well who ever? I just had to share this wonderful story with the girls. I want one of those showers.... please!

What do you get when you take two sexy chicks from the city and send them home alone in the dark from the middle of butt-freak nowhere? You get lost is what you get!!!! Krista and I made it home from Moscow via Napanee. WTF??? Oh, and did I mention I don't like driving in the dark nor in places unfamiliar to me? Sorry, Krista!

I will do my best to update this as the memories come of the funny things we discussed. I think the reason I have such a hard time putting our funnies to words is because they are very much, 'had to be there moments'.

I wouldn't miss these get togethers for anything. The date for the next one is already being discussed. Can't tell ya how much I can't wait.

One last thing, Miss Mary: You can miss Sunday night games, really it's okay! Think of the fun we could have at all those ball games and the year end party that you might make this coming September. Good times good times!

Happy Day! Happy Day!

The day has finally arrived. The day I look forward to each and every month with such excitement. It is the day that Mary, Krista and myself have set aside to get together. I don't get to see them near as much as I would like and when I do it's like I'm a little kid in a candy store.

This may come across as harsh and I apologize beforehand if I offend some, but the fact that it is just the three of us is absolutely perfect. We've invited others to join us, but for whatever reason the invitees can never make it and in the end it works out best, I think. We three can be a bit over the top with our topics of conversation, our laughter and our overall volume and control of the environment. It is that which I love and probably intimidates most other people.

We are heading to Mary's for this get together. Mary is doing the main meal with Krista bringing beverages and I've the honour of dessert. I'm such a lucky girl because Cute Boy's, the sweet guy that he is, made raspberry tea biscuits for me take along. I'm remained strong because the 9 biscuits he sent me with are still all accounted for. The day is still young though. I must remain strong, I must!

My time with Mary and Krista is just what I need right now. It isn't that I will monopolize the day with my life's traumas and dramas. It will be completely the opposite. I will be swept away by their friendship, laughter and the general catch up we do. I'll be able to escape all the thoughts and worries, if even for a short time. I look forward to whatever escapades of their day to day life they share. It could be a boo-boo car spot, a thwacked toe, ridiculous stories about a nasty co-worker or something sweeter such as life plans, supposed house sales, new house purchases on the South Shore (oh so ritzy sounding). Who really knows what the day will bring. One thing is certain it will bring a healthy dose of support, friendship, as well as a rekindled spirit. It is the rekindled spirit that I savour most. I hope in some small way I'm able to give as much to these two wonderful women as I've been given.

It's A Wonderful Life

Wow! What a wonderful life I live. I sit here just baffled at the idea of where my life was not too long ago and where it is at this very moment.

There is no one particular thing that has happened or any one person responsible for my sense of peace, and peace is exactly what I feel. There are many contributing factors to my happiness. I have the most amazing friends in my life and I couldn't make it through one day without each and every one of you. I know I could survive, but I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it just wouldn't be the same without you. I share my day to day life with two amazing young ladies that bring me such happiness, although I struggle with both girls at times, I still am able to find happiness within my relationship with each of them. I don't even know where to begin in trying to explain the feelings of peace when speaking of the man in my life. Those that know me well, know of what I speak. Whether he gets it, one never really knows. He is too cute for words. I'm still struck by moments of 'Wow!'

Cute Boy and I went away together last weekend which was a total blast. I was a bit fearful that after the weekend ended I'd have a feeling of let down. That feeling of what do I have to look forward to now kind of thing. I did delay my return to reality a bit longer than I should have, but all things considered I didn't stay away too long. Being away for the weekend and having no pressure from anywhere, being 'just' a girlfriend, not a mother, not an employee, not a cook, not a cleaner, nothing more than just 'me' being a girlfriend... nothing could have been better. I couldn't put a price on a gift like that, not ever. The weekend away was just what this weary, sometimes wrung-at-both-ends woman needed!

My life is not without worry right now, and how I'm not going insane is beyond me. I'm trying very much right now to look at things from a positive perspective. I can't do anything to change the stresses in my life, so I'll deal with each issue as it arises and not panic. I knew the moment of stress with which I'm dealing would happen. It was always just a matter of when, never if. I know without a doubt I'm in a good place mentally or I'd not be able to handle this current stress with such calm. I think I'm finally growing up. Imagine that one for a good laugh.

I do have some great things to look forward to in the next little while. I'm hoping when I wake up in the morning I can find the gumption to go for a run. My first run since Thanksgiving. I've skirted the issue long enough. I'm tired of feeling overweight. I consistently wear a size 4 and I'm whining that I can't fit in my 2's and 1's.... get a grip. Run is what I want to do, so that is what I'm going to do again. I miss it more than I thought possible.

I'm going to be getting together with Mary and Krista this coming weekend. I always look forward to these getting together with these incredible women. I can never do justice to the fun we have, especially when trying to put it to words in my blog. I try yet fail miserably. The best of women, a barbecue, Corona and Cute Boy's Raspberry biscuits. Awwww, life is sweet!

This is what brings me full circle. Where I was, to where I am right now, stresses and all, I'm right where I want to be. I've said it a few times, I wouldn't change a single thing if it didn't put me right here right now. I would gladly take every mistake, every tear and every heartache if it is that that has blessed my life as I know it today!

Sweet Dreams