30 Minute Death

The title would be courtesy of this lovely lady -

I gave it my best shot and Jillian kicked my ass and my arms and my legs.

I know it's not nice to say mean words about people, especially those you've never met. The thoughts and words coming out of my mouth during this 30 minute torture test would have sent shivers down a sailor's spine. I was not a nice girl.

Shortly after my workout I had a quick shower. Let me tell ya, washing my hair was nothing short of heavenly - NOT! My arms were screaming 20 minutes after the work out so I can just imagine the joy I'll be living through tomorrow!

All in all, Jillian I love ya! You kicked my ass and I loved it. I look forward to our becoming fast friends, although you and I may have 60 Day Shred relationship, as in us getting together every other day, because every day would see me dead and not able to enjoy me beautifully shredded body!

You are the bomb girl! Thank you!

It'll Be Random

Do you ever just have one of those days?

It starts off great - I'm alive.

I weigh in - why bother?

I get my coffee and out to the deck I go with coffee and my book. It has been this way all week. Couldn't ask for more in that regard.

I decide to try and do the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Things are finally set up for me downstairs so that I can give it a whirl. This being a non-run day, I thought I'd have a date with a sexy hot gorgeous woman. Not to be. I can't navigate the DVD menu without the remote. AUGHHHHHH!!!!!

I want to give a shout out to my WEE Krista. You don't suck! You're awesomeness extraordinaire! I thank you for your support, your shoulder and your friendship. I was in a hole this morning and you tied your rope around me and pulled me out! I thank you! I thank you! I thank you!

This post is all over the map. I'm all over the map. Sometimes, I swear I'm manic!

I wonder why I can't find peace with my body and my current state of being? I know I shouldn't be comparing the physical me of before to the me of today. It's the most difficult thing for me to grasp. I was sooooo successful before, but I was in the gym all the time. Was that good? I'm not sure? Was I happy? I think so! Was I proud of myself? Absolutely! That I'm not reaching that level of commitment and intensity now, disappoints me.

I know I'm too hard on myself at times and I work towards changing that, but old habits die hard. I don't know why I do this to myself, I just do.

I want to find balance in my life. Financially, emotionally and physically. The only way for me to do that is keep working forward. Keep questioning my motives. Keep on with the discovery of why I do what I do. In all that, I also need to find the time to just be. I'm working on that this past week while on my deck with coffee in hand and book in lap while peeking looks at my lovely little dog loving life on the deck with her mommy. That is some balance right?

I told you it would be random!

I'm outtta here to see what other kind of trouble I can get in to today since Jillian and I couldn't hook up!

Did A Little Shopping

I had a gift card for Chapter's/Indigo books and decided to spend it today. I'm on their e-mail list and received a 25% off any one item coupon, so figured this was as good a time as any to spend my gift card. Final bill for both was $9.00 out of pocket for me. Yaaaa!

I will not even discuss my WI this morning. I didn't cry about it, but I can tell you it was a close one.

I no longer know what to think or what to do next. I guess, what to do next would be to move this damn sluggish body of mine. I'm tired. I'm drained. I'm sad. I'm pissed off. I'm body lost. I'm consumed. I'm tired of being body consumed. It is getting old. No one can do this for me but me. I have to want it more than I want to be lazy and stupid about my food choices. Do I want it bad enough to do the work or am I just going to moan about it for the rest of my days?

On that note I'm off to read my new book until my work shift is over and I can go home to bed and put this exhausting day behind me.